October 07, 2005

grandma d.

I can smell and see my grandmothers' kitchen tonight as clear as day. I do sometimes do what I do best, which is type with my eyes closed, like I'm doiong now. It's a blessing to be able to, because I can dream and write at the same time. Especially when I'm tired, like I am right now. I'm actually half asleep.

I haven't been in that kitchen since the late 70s. Augustine Street. Rochester, NY. How can it have been 25 or 30 years already since I passed through that door? After my grandfather died, my grandmother managed in the house for a couple of years. But they were married over 50 years, and it was a big, big house. She couldn't stay forever. Or she could have, but she didn't.

The kitchen. My grandmother was the first woman in the community to buy a dishwasher. She was a smart woman. I remember the formica table, with the silver wrapped around the outside, and I remember the wallpaper the table sat against with its oranges and golds and whites, was it floral?, I remember the screen door to the back porch and how we never used the porch except to look out at my grandpa's tomato garden, and I remember the fridge over to the right, the long counters--they seemed to go on forever, and what must have been 3040 cupboards and drawers.

Her kitchen was immaculate and always smelled like meatballs waiting. My favorite spaghetti dinners were topped with spoonfulls of Pecorino Romano cheese (imported) and washed down with a glass of orange crush and ice.

My grandma made soup--just one more bowl if I could. They call it Italian Wedding Soup now, but we never called it that. We called it the chicken soup with the little meatballs. Oh. mmmm. and there was another kind of soup she made e that used a raw egg and eg noodles with a HEAPING couple of spoon fulls of grated cheese.

Her stove was top of the line. She didn't skimp where my grandfather would notice it the most--on her cooking.

Tonight is the strange night--I smell so clearly a meal waiting for me to sit down to. To wait for the cheese to come around the table.

I'm alost asleep now.

The question blog

I think I should start a question blog. It would only have questions. And people could answer in comments. We should put the world's toughest questions on the blog and let others answer. Like, how did unfinished furniture come to be a product? Did all furniture used to be sold unfinished, and then someone got the bright idea to stain it before selling it? Or was it the reverse?

I used to have a lot to talk about.

I wonder how many pixels it would take to wrap all the way around the world. Like if pixels were string, tied in a line around the center of the earth, how many would we need to go all the way around? If we put all the blogs together, could we reach?

I wondered that driving home today.

Set Up a Blogger's Lunch and Learn at Your Company Monday.

Just do it.

Send out an office wide email on Monday that says: Look, we know some of you folks blog. Sure, you haven't told us so, and no we're not monitoring your site surfing (much), and no we're not mad at you for doing it. Actually quite the opposite. As a company, we'd like to understand more about blogging. And we want you who are already blogging to tell us. You're the experts. You understand the space. So, let's have a lunch and learn session next week. Pizza is on the company and everyone's invited--just bring your blogging knowledge and your favorite blogs (or at least the ones you think the rest of us should be reading) and let's talk about this blogging thing. If you would like to be one of the blogger hosts for this lunch, email [[insert your email here]].

Thanks!
[[insert your name/title here]]

okay sing the stupid people song with me--want to?

Helloooo stupid people
it's good to meet you
no it's not
see you made me lie
and if I tell you true
I would have to tell you
you
really you make my
intestines flutter
and rumble, baby
and not in a gooood way, baby.

I'm not sure how you
live with a pin-sized braihaaaiiin
but you really do
yah you do baby
you do it all my sweet
thing
because you're not just
ordinary
solitary
no
you're very very
extraordinarily
stupid
How do you do it?

You're bill-o'reilly stupid
You're bill-o'reilly stupid
You're not just smiley stupid
You're bill-o'reilly stupid

I bet in the morning, yah
you open your sweet shining eyes
and come alive inside
and your mind, your mihiiiiind
goes back to sleep
precious sleep
and that's okay
because baby
you gotta lotta work to do
in this world
a lotta hard work to do
and it's not easy, baby
no not easy
to operate the fryer
all the grease
sometimes the policeeeeee, baby
they come a rum come come
and say to you...

You're bill-o'reilly stupid
You're bill-o'reilly stupid
You're not just smiley stupid
You're bill-o'reilly stupid.

October 06, 2005

More Frightening than Bill WhoreReilly...

There are some folks over in the comments at Media Matters that don't understand the difference between Emmigration and Slavery. A lot of times, very stupid people can't read so well. In honor of them, I bring you some images. (Often times, very stupid people learn better with pictures.)










A HOG! Did someone say a HOG?



If you know a very stupid person, I would appreciate if you might allow them to review this post with you--maybe you can read aloud from some of the images that have words (like Negroes for Sale) on them.

Thank you.

Oh no. no. No he didn't.

George, don't read this. Your head will explode and the house is really a mess at this point--I can't take one more stain on the carpet this week. I submit to you, Bill O'Reilly Explaining the African Emmigration (cough) to the Land of Milk and Honey:

O'REILLY: All right. But let me counter that, [caller], and you can comment on my comment. That's the prevailing wisdom in a lot of the precincts, is that because blacks were in slavery in the United States, they were never able to develop an infrastructure of education and culture to compete with the white majority. That is the prevailing wisdom in lots and lots of places. Let me submit this to you, and then you can comment on it.

My people came from County Cavan in Ireland. All right? And the British Crown marched in there with their henchman, Oliver Cromwell, and they seized all of my ancestors' lands, everything. And they threw them into slavery, pretty much indentured servitude on the land. And then the land collapsed, all right? And everybody was starving in Ireland. They had to leave the country, just as Africans had to leave -- African-Americans had to leave Africa and COME OVER ON A BOAT and TRY TO MAKE IT IN THE New World with nothing. Nothing. And succeeded, succeeded. As did Italians, as did -- and I'll submit to you, African-Americans are succeeding as well. So all of these things can be overcome I think, [caller]. Go ahead.

--Bill WhoreRielly

LINK

Link with audio.

Bloggers Want Bling

The Edelman Survey (disclaimer--which i reviewed and suggested some refinements) results are out.

Key takeaways:

More than 70 percent of bloggers say, send us product samples to try. We are not afraid of bling.

More than 60 percent of us trust what your employees say while we only sort of trust what your corporate blog says.

Richard Edelman has some, err, more detailed thoughts about the survey.

You can't buy us, spin us, or manipulate us, but you can sure show us your stuff, make us feel good, and let us see for ourselves what your stuff is like. That is how you ENGAGE us. If we like it, YOU GET GOOD MOJO! If we don't, YOU GET HARD TRUTH.

As one respondent explains (not me, I paid for my sidekick):

I am a sucker for free books, particularly when they come in softcover as uncorrected proofs. I am also a sucker for gadgets and physical objects, particularly when they are youth branded. In both of these cases, PR folks can totally get me to talk about their items because, honestly, i like gifts and it makes me feel all special when someone goes out of their way to give me a physical item. I don't guarantee that i'll blog about it but this little Mauss in me always does. I only blog about software when i'm playing with it for my own reasons. Not only do i ignore all email from software/web vendors trying to get me to use their system, requests to blog about it tend to turn me off immensely. Nothing pisses me off more than a PR release that i'm supposed to blog. This actually has anthropological sense. It doesn't take any effort for a PR rep to mass mail me and other bloggers to go to their website or blog about their product. Thus, i feel spammed - it's super lame. It takes a little more effort to write me a personal letter, but often these ask me to effectively QA their product - no thanks. It takes a lot of effort to write to me individually asking for my address and whether or not i'd like to try something out and having no obligation. That also costs money for the PR person. But when the mailperson rings the doorbell, i feel super special and if the product is cool, i am totally able to get addicted. I'm totally into cult brands and when i'm into something i gush obsessively. Two of my obsessions began with PR people sending me something - Malcolm Gladwell's publisher sent me Blink and i blogged about it a few times but then i went to every conference and told everyone that they must read it (and still am); Danger saw me blog about the Sidekick and how sad i was not to have the $ to get the new one and they sent me one for free, further magnifying my obsession with their device and making me make certain that they are included in lots of mobile phone events - plus, i've dragged at least 8 people to the store to get one (aside from those who i've encouraged through gushing). You can totally addict me to a product but you do need to make me feel loved and special.

Okay, yah, sorta like that.

The Web Explodes with DEALS DEALS DEALS

Congrats to Waxy.Org, now a member of the Butterfieldclan of the Kingdom of Yahoo.

Finer lineage? I know of none.

RageBoy cleans his plate

Yep, really does look like steak.

Maybe potatoes too.

Could be some of that fancy "bison roast" -- they like to have that at woo-woo events.

Some kind of gravy's there too I think.

Man, web 2.0 inhabitants know how to live.

RageBoy cleans his plate
Originally uploaded by Stewart.

RageBoy's at Web 2.0!

And Stewart fed him! (looks like steak.)
Chris Locke post dinner
Originally uploaded by Stewart.

Blogger Josh Hallett in Talks with NY Times on Content Deal

rolling. on. the. floor. laughing. my. ass. off.

I have been in low-level talks with the New York Times on a content deal. I was contacted by the NYT to find out if I was interested in subscribing to their newspaper. We're still working out the financial details, but it looks like I might enter into a 9-week content deal with them.
Josh--If Winer's getting $5 million, man, you have GOT to hold out. Don't show them all of your cards. Keep it close to the vest. I'm pulling for you.

October 05, 2005

Web 1.0 we had it right

I wrote and built my first website in 1996. Shawn Bernard -- a destined-to-be-gifted web designer -- and I did the whole thing. You can take a stroll through a lot of it here thanks to the wayback machine. We ran contests and gave away stress balls and pens and books. By February of 1997, we had a reference library of downloadable white papers, articles, and publications. We even had a registration page with a backend routine that sent an email to me to let me know who had registered and what their company information and needs were. Today you might just call that lead generation.

The site was a hell of a lot less primitive than IBM's at that same time.

We were stars in the data warehousing space in those days because we got tech, we got the web, we got data. (If we'd only had a product!)

Five years I spent getting it and giving it, sometimes round the clock, for the common cause.

In September of 1997 I had a baby.

By the time I came back to work, we had new management brought in by the investors. We were working really hard on that product we needed to actually have in order to sell it.

Our site was growing. IBM's site was this cool.

When I came back to work after six weeks on spare-change disability, I hemorrhaged, returned to the hospital for emergency surgery, and almost died.

I was in the hospital for 10 days.

Our website was looking good.

Between my delivery and my emergency surgery, during the 2 weeks I was back at work, I talked to the new CFO. I told him things about our business.

The CFO, his name was Sam Johnson, maybe he goes by Samuel Johnson now, no not THAT Sam Johnson, and maybe he moved from Atlanta to Chicago, I can't quite remember, it being Web 1.0 and everything, but I know Sam Johnson works in financial services, maybe he was a CPA, I couldn't tell you because he was just a young punk then.

I let him hold my newborn baby. I still regret it.

Sam was a corporate evil doer. He was also a short, bald brother, and I mean really short.

He said that this webpage thing wasn't going anywhere. I said it was. He tried to out-MBA-speak me. He said we do not need this webpage expense. I told him, it's not an expense--we have our own server and this web site saves us on the hard copy white papers we're always shipping. He said, if IBM doesn't have a webpage, we don't need one. I said IBM does have a web site, but ours is better. He said million dollar corporations are doing business without having these homepages, so we sure don't need one. I said, that's exactly why we we do need one. Because we're not them.

When I came back to work six weeks after my emergency myomectomy, I didn't have a job anymore.

My baby was 12 weeks old.

Web 1.0 taught us Internet jockeys a lot. Like you can find my brand on the net, but you can't find sam johnson the CFO.

Eventually, the company I worked for would be bought several times over, first by Prism, then by Ardent, then by Informix, and finally by IBM.

I love irony.

Sam, you were wrong 8 years ago, and I was right.

It's Web 2.0 and I'm still smart.

And I bet you're still an idiot.

Blogging 1.0

And Blogging 2.0
elephantpoop
Originally uploaded by Jeneane.

Where the hell did she come from?

Quick--out to get the bread and soy milk!

Robbie Berg, a meterologist at the National Hurricane Center in Miami, said because Tammy will spend so little time over water, it is unlikely that it will reach hurricane strength of 74 mph.
Now why don't I trust anyone about this hurricane business anymore? Cheney's in the bunker with his weather machine -- He has one eye on the Supreme Court and the other on FOX News. It's all about the mastery of distraction--LOOK! It's a bird (the american eagle!), it's a plane (crasing into the world trade center!), it's a hurricane (wiping out the poor and infirm and making for great FOX ratings!) -- No, It's CHENEYMAN!

Note to Hillary RC...

...add some bits from your old healthcare speeches to this one Ron's written, and you're ready to rumble.

Bloggers are so funny! They write stuff for free. It's a silly little business model all our own. ;-)

October 04, 2005

Getting Ready for Web 1.0

A Trip Down Memorabilia Lane



[Picture Above] WINDOWS on Healthcare - A short lived piece of propoganda -- errr, I mean a publication -- on MS Windows use in Healthcare. Remnants of it are here. An equally defunct DBMS boasts yet another article ghost written by yours truly. DBMS is now Intelligent Enterprise. My how the times change! It's a good thing my portfolio doesn't!




[Pictured Above] Impact Innovations Circa 1998 when Medaphis spun them off -- I bet even the Impact Innovations of today doesn't have these brochures over at their place. Note the high-priced commission artwork. You weren't anyone without commissioned artwork in 1998. People like me, we know these things.



[Pictured Above] Dude, this was data warehousing 1998, before data warehousing was cool! See that article on Delivery Chain Management? Dude, I wrote that!



[Pictured Above] Delta Air Lines, in better days. This was the 2002 model plane that was handed out in a PR frenzy after the delta.com launch and before the Olympics. Okay, I know it's the TAIL end of Web 1.0, but high-value PR shlock counts extra, whatever the era. (Damn, still no bids on ebay.)



What Web 1.0 conference would be complete without the cult classic that launched a thousand trains. Dust it off and read it again. Some things are timeless. Because after all:

Markets are conversations.
No they're not.
Yes they are.
No they're not.
Yes they are.
Nuh-uh.
Uh-huh.
Are too.
Are not.
Yes.
No.
Stupid geek.
Marketing wank.
You better shut up.
Make me.
No, you make me.
Ooooo good comeback.
Go play with your voice mail.
Go page someone.
jerk.
wank.

WWWD?

An email went around recently among some friends posing a philosophical--if not practical--dilemma, ending with the question, What Would Weinberger Do--WWWD? We laughed and chortled at using David as some kind of barometer of right decision making. Because after all, that's usually AKMA's job.

(Rim shot).

Well to answer the question, WWWD? -- HE DID IT.

This isn't a matter of quotas. It's not about math. It's about power. It's about men strengthening bonds that have real consequences. The perfect gender homogeneity of this meeting is inadvertent but it's inexcusable. We have to get to the point where this is prima facie shameful and unacceptable. We have to get to the point where this is just plain embarrassing.

I might modify it further to point out these gatherings are often of 'white American business men,' not just any men. But I don't want to take away from this beautiful passage coming from someone who is as sought after a speaker as David.

I always hate when I stop paying attention to blogging just long enough for something tremendous to happen.

A belated thank you, David.

The Specks Vol 1

Shelley pretty much sums it up.
The Specks Vol 1
Originally uploaded by Burningbird.

QUICK! Get the to this conference. Web 1.0 Is Upon Us!

My God, I almost missed it again. I guess that's part of the allure of the Web 1.0 Conference. Retro is never out of style.

It's tomorrow, and I want to see every one of you in attendance and partying like it's 1998!

Mrs. Scoble Is Blogging!

Good stuff, good stuff! I only wonder how she managed to stay away from the party this long. Maybe was all of those long evenings watching Robert's brain nearly explode after dealing with some pissy commentor that has kept Myriam away until now. Anyway, it's always good to have the better half online. Well, maybe always good is an overstatement. Actually, yes, Robert, this could serve to add to your stress quotient. Nonetheless, WEEE!

Boy the way Glen Miller played
Songs that made the hit parade.
Guys like us we had it made,
Those were the days.
And you knew who you were then,
Girls were girls and men were men,
Mister we could use a man Like Herbert Hoover again.
Didn't need no welfare state,
Everybody pulled his weight.
Gee our old LaSalle ran great.
Those were the days.

October 03, 2005

I haven't been paying attention

Because I've been mourning the passing of that stellar scientist below, leader among leaders, pharmacologist among pharmacologists, man among men.

In other news, george sent me this link to a compfused clip, definitely not work safe folks, unless you use headphones, and so this has prolly been all around the internets, but I laughed out loud, and if I laughed out loud, then damnit, there is a chance you too will laugh out loud.

And most days, we can't ask for much more than that.

I introduce you to America's Biggest Dick.

thanks al.