December 04, 2008

Ok it's time to say something

First of all, I have glasses. I'm 46 years old and these are my first real glasses--the kind you wear all the time, the progressive lens type for people who can't see close or far away.

My initial reactions:

  • Trees have leaves.
  • There are too many words hanging up in the world.
  • I am short.
  • My feet don't walk right.
  • I need to wax my upper lip and pluck my eyebrows. Like right away.
  • Time for some makeup.

It reminds me of Halley's old snowglobe posts...
... they got me in and out of there fast as can be and in LESS than an hour and my glasses are a god send. I slipped them on and hell, it was like being high on dope with Oreos, with your best high school buddies and candles -- I am seeing things so much more clearly, I was amazed. I say to the glasses guys, "Whoa! I can really see with these things!" The manager says, "That's the idea!"

So I leave the mall, feeling so cool that I can see things -- like I can see my car in the parking lot, even before I attempt to open three other wrong Burgundy Camry's and before I have to bend down and braille-read the license plate. I'm just teasing, I'm not that bad. Well, almost.

I feel some sort of apology is in order - for my clients and myself. Blaming my fuzziness on menopause may have been inaccurate. I now realize I was fuzz-sighted. That's not near sighted or far sighted. That's when everything is blurred around the edges.

Now I look like a dork, but I have these lenses that make me feel like a kid, complete with feeling shorter. I wonder if that's my brain reconfiguring my perspective back to the last time I could see this well.

It's all very very very odd.

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6 comments:

alan herrell - the head lemur said...

get one of those neck thingies! there are two really bad sounds in the world, the sound of a pump shotgun, and the crunch of your first pair of glasses as you sit down.

betsythedevine said...

Here's another good thing about glasses, which my husband was sweet enough to tell me: they make your eyes look ENORMOUS.

My own 40-something transition to first glasses at was long ago -- I'm now at the longtime-wearing-glasses stage where I may just notice that I have glasses on when my head hits the pillow and ... whoops, that didn't feel right.

More pro-glasses propaganda -- they protect your eyes at least somewhat from wind and low branches.

And, captcha-wise... "converd"? What kind of word is that?

Jeneane Sessum said...

WOW! This is why i love the internetz still. not only LOLcats, but advice from my fellow elders on the benefits (and caveats) of glasses-wearing. So where do you get those cool neck things that keep em hanging?

Betsy 'converd' is the latest term for those who avoid being converted.

Thanks for playing the home game!

Doug said...

Ah hell I've been wearing glasses since I was 16 or so and have been doing the "progressive" thing for the past 15 years or so. I still remember though when I first put those progressive lenses (hey maybe we should rename them liberal lenses) on and realized I hadn't seen well for many years.

One word of caution watch out for curbs and stairs :), and if your glasses are adjusted properly (i.e. sitting in the right spot) just follow your nose

Margaret said...

I don't think you look like a dork. I think you look lovely.

Frank Paynter said...

I remember the day I came home from the eye doctor with my new glasses. I was ten and I found a toad by the back steps without even trying. I just looked and there he was.

My latest upgrade was to trifocals. Here's hoping you find some toads too!