February 19, 2008

kill the man with the ball.

You know those moments, when you're using an analogy that you think will be universally understood -- at least, say, by your spouse -- and in the middle of nodding your head in that "yeah, right?" way you see their eyes staring at you with that, "Wha?" expression.

At that instant, you feel your words making less sense than you remember. You realize they have no idea what you're talking about. You question your own sanity--at least your own memory.

So then you test your contextual reference out on a friend to see if maybe you're crazy--if maybe you were the only one who played "Kill the Man with the Ball" as a kid.

I'm just sayin'.

Because tonight I was telling George something interesting and using the "Kill the Man with the Ball" game to illustrate my particular point, until I realized that he'd never actually HEARD of Kill the Man with the Ball, at which point I said:

You never played kill the man with the ball? Like never?

He was emphatic: No. I never played, nor have I heard of, "Kill the Man with the Ball."

Odd, no?

So then I asked a friend on chat--Did you ever play Kill the Man with the Ball?

Same answer. "Kill the Who? Uh, I played dodge ball?"

No, it's not dodge-ball.

So my question to you is have you ever played Kill the Man with the Ball, and if you HAVE, then you must explain how the game works in comments or in a post of your own so that I can tell if you're lying to make me feel better, or if you are indeed my homie.

JFK's "Intellectual Blood Bank" Helping Obama Rock.

I heard that legendary speech writer Ted Sorensen, whom JFK called his "intellectual blood bank" (the kind of writer that actually helps you figure out what you think by bringing clarity to your language), is tweaking Obama's speeches because he believes Barack Obama is the best candidate to guide America through the complexities of the current and coming times. I was psyched to find the video where Sorensen talks about then and now.

February 18, 2008

The Terror Within

Dear President Bush,

Thank you for keeping us safe these last 8 years, or at least keeping everyone so pre-occupied with the threat of terror from outsiders that we would put up with just about anything from your administration in a psychologically-crippling attempt to feel safe.

I know you and your administration have been very busy spending money so that America's fine young men and women have the tools they need to die in greater numbers in service to this country. You've done an amazing job on that. Pat yourself on the back.

I'm just wondering, is this busy schedule the reason that federal inspectors at the USDA haven't had the time or manpower to conduct regular and proper inspections of the slaughterhouse in Chino, California at the center of the most recent and largest meat recall in U.S. history?

You know, the one that supplies meat to our nation's schools, to the reservations where Native Americans live (whose families survived that pesky smallpox thing the first time around), survivors of natural disasters (joke's on them), and to disabled shut-ins who can't get to the grocery store to shop for untainted food?

Hallmark products distributed to the National School Lunch Program, the Emergency Food Assistance Program and the Food Distribution Program on Indian Reservations on hold, according to the USDA’s Web site.
Well as long as we're safe from threats outside of this country.
A disturbing undercover video showing cows too sick to stand being shoved with forklifts or dragged with chains across a cement floor at a Southern California slaughterhouse has sparked the largest beef recall in the nation's history.
Wshew. As long as we're safe from terror.
"Because the cattle did not receive complete and proper inspection, Food Safety and Inspection Service has determined them to be unfit for human food and the company is conducting a recall," Schafer said in a statement.
The most alarming element of this recall is the USDA's assertion that the company violated regulations prohibiting "non-ambulatory" or "downer" cows from entering the food supply. This regulation was put in place specifically as part of a concentrated effort to prevent Mad Cow disease, also known as BSE, from entering the U.S. food supply.
You bastard - Under your watch my child was fed beef from downed and diseased cows at an operation that went uninspected by your employees, while I paid for it wit my tax dollars! I paid you to poison my child. I guess that makes both of us stupid.

It's not enough that you've screwed up the public education system nearly beyond repair with No Child Left Behind, but now you've made sure that the children of your buddies attending private school have one up on the rest of us by making sure our kids are one step closer to mad cow disease, e-coli and salminella infection, and diseases-yet-to-be-named.

Twenty-four Georgia school districts, including Clayton, Cobb, DeKalb, Fulton and Gwinnett counties, had already put a hold on use of the suspect beef. But as much as 150,000 pounds of the beef, which is used in everything from spaghetti sauce to taco fillings, was served to students before the USDA placed a hold on the meat Jan. 30, according to the state Department of Education.

Fucker.

Haven't you killed enough people yet?

I was a vegetarian for 8 years, during that time a member of the Humane Society and PETA, and I know the state of the factory farming industry in this country. I realize that every bite of meat my family takes poses a potential health risk due to the use of antibiotics and growth hormones routinely used in industrial agriculture.

BUT BUT BUT funneling downed and disease cows onto school lunch trays, into programs that serve the disabled, and onto reservations is criminal.

Republicans, your great administrations just fed your grandparents and kids road kill. Hell, road kill would be better! Mad opossum disease hasn't gone mainstream yet.

Now I'm just wondering, do think the way to solve this problem is to fire two employees from the plant using standard hush-hush operating procedures, probably making $6 an hour? 'Cause that's the only solution I've heard so far. You're such an idiot.

Well, I better close this letter out now. I know you have a lot on your own plate (I bet not recalled beef though!), what with your recent endorsement McCain. Just know that you've once again done a bang-up job keeping our children safe.