Been exploring my male voice over here. I've been moved by all the sharing from my love George, from George P., and as always, from RageBoy. This is sharing at a deeper level, the level that hurts a little bit. Or a lot a bit. RileyDog's Steve Laidlaw also weighed in with some pretty heavy amo on LifeChalking, scrawling his own life graffiti in my comments box:
"Meds: caffiene, nicotine, kool aid, sex
Issues: loss of father, aging
Fears: losing connie, death of children
Loves: wife, emily, sean, matty, home, old truck, dogs
Hates: winter, morons,
Wants: more chocolate"
I know you better now, Steve. Like you too.
Yes, so back to the male voice... women seem infinitely complex to men, way more complex than we actually are, and especially so in "relationships"--the death knell to many a good man (and woman).
Okay, so that's bullshit. The fact is, human beings aren't divisible by gender. Look closer. Divide yourself by this: who left you first, how early, how bad did it hurt, how much do you remember, how much don't you remember, how bad do you not want it to happen again, how bad do you want it to happen over and over because it's all you know? So much about wanting, waiting, getting, losing, looking. Where'd I put myself? And if you're lucky, finding again. The "rub" is that the damage and anticipation of loss powers how we love, and sometimes we lose before we every really have. Ala, this little experiment: the one-minute relationship, inspired by a conversation with someone you may know.
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Baby, I'm so glad I found you, you're so beautiful and sweet and smart and look at those eyelashes, god I don't deserve you, gonna worship you and treat you right and never ever hurt you, we make each other feel so good, yeah, I want to be with you every day, every night, and sure I'll call you tomorrow, I'll call you every hour of every day, well what do you mean why didn't I call you yesterday, I was just tryin to write something over here, no I wasn't looking at her, that woman? no way, you know you're all I'll ever need, are you saying you're not coming over tonight, you need time for yourself, oh sure, okay, no I understand, I respect your boundaries, but it's not all me here, you need to look at you, okay it's all me, right, sure, I'm way fucked up, but how about this: why don't you get the fuck out of my life, okay, how does that sound to you; pack up your attitude and hit the pavement, bitch. Oh shit, I didn't mean you should leave me, don't go, could you give me one more chance, let me show you how much I love you, how you're so beautiful and sweet and smart and look at those eyelashes, god I don't deserve you....
