21 years ago today i said "I do." There are no words for where we've been, what we've seen, endured, come to understand, and how all of that has changed us. All of these many years, they are understood not through language, but through color, shape, and sound. I remember them through my senses in tapestry, patterns, music.
Blue silk soukous.
Red satin straight ahead.
Brown cotton blues.
I loved you that day. And the 7,665 days since.
I will see you soon.
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August 09, 2007
August 07, 2007
there is a season
Blogging may be sporadic, yet again, as Jenna and I may be traveling down to Florida. And school starts Monday. And I'm not sure which end is up.
George and his brother are in central Florida with their mother, who is on life support. She is 86. And very stubborn. It is long days, long nights. One day, one step, one thing at a time.
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George and his brother are in central Florida with their mother, who is on life support. She is 86. And very stubborn. It is long days, long nights. One day, one step, one thing at a time.
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August 06, 2007
Highest OMG BBQ
Head to Shelley's to find out about a must-do wordpress update. NOW! (And to learn the new code word for getting off your ass and doing something quick.)
I think the Dept. of Homeland Security should add this level above terror level red: HighestOMGBBQ! - reserved for an actual emergency, not one made up to keep the population in check.
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I think the Dept. of Homeland Security should add this level above terror level red: HighestOMGBBQ! - reserved for an actual emergency, not one made up to keep the population in check.
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August 05, 2007
you've probably seen it, cause i'm always the last to know
but this image mosaic generator is pretty nifty. it uses flickr images (wonder how it gets away with such) stating they are the respective work of their owners to mosaic-ize an image of your choosing. just upload an image and click the button--it's really cool to see how it grabs images by hue to fill in your image. coolio.
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self-censoring
sometimes it's a good idea.
for instance, all of the wise ass comments i could make about this, you know like some jerk who would say, "great idea but don't light the wrong end!" and stuff like that, I'm not going to make those stupid comments. NO i will not make them. because this serious. and it's not something to joke around about. remember that.
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for instance, all of the wise ass comments i could make about this, you know like some jerk who would say, "great idea but don't light the wrong end!" and stuff like that, I'm not going to make those stupid comments. NO i will not make them. because this serious. and it's not something to joke around about. remember that.
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legend songwriter and musician Lee Hazlewood is gone.
Madame Levy has it. Lee died surrounded by loved ones. George and I were reflecting that "These Boots" was our favorite song when we were kids. Lee's talent inspired more than one generation in his lifetime; it will inspire many to come.
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state of the state of mind
i haven't blogged this much since the kathy sierra debacle. there are a lot of reasons for that. chief among them: i (like anyone who has been around here 6 years) have some anger at this space. i have some fear about being misunderstood, which causes me to sometimes second guess my gut as a writer. that, friends, sucks. however, i'm getting over it--hold off on the flowers and sympathy cards if you would.
in the long list of things since march, i've had some threats from people i don't trust, and i don't take that shit lightly. i have some boredom with a blogworld that too closely resembles the mainstream we came here to avoid. i also have a suitcase full of anxiety that i'm at least willing to own up to, and as most of you know i've had health issues, surgery, recovery (doing great--THANK YOU ALL), then lots of work, followed by not enough work, followed by work picking up again.
And I have a new Mac bought for me by my readers and blog friends--thank you thank you thank you--that makes being here more fun than it is work. the act of kindness restored in me what was some pretty beaten down faith in this little experiment we're engaged in. the notes, the emails, the energy asking me to keep on.
People sometimes ask me, how i feel about what went down and how it went down. There is no single feeling for being swept up in a tide of openness and originality turned car wreck turned tornado turned wasteland.
Pissed? yeah, ok. more at first than i am now. i am actually more optimistic about people than i have ever been. and i have so many blessings i can't count them all. these are things i realize. they are the switch i am learning to manually flip when the lights go out for too long.
I was also thinking just tonight, the way i see it, most of the people involved in the aforementioned shitstorm -- not everyone, but most -- did the right thing. That's a good thing. an important thing.
we are only human beings. we misread one another. we dance like shy school children and then drunken sailors. we can be jerks and heroes--sometimes in the same instant. we are not so predictable.
But, I don't know if i'm so optimistic about 'blogging'. The blogworld is a place where Loren Feldmen's supposed to be funny and I'm an accomplice to a federal crime? that's wrong on so many counts i don't have enough fingers and toes to do the math.
But it's not over. Not by a long shot.
Everything cycles. Video killed the radio star. We've gotta keep at it. Keep at it with me. Don't stop. not this day. not this week. kay?
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in the long list of things since march, i've had some threats from people i don't trust, and i don't take that shit lightly. i have some boredom with a blogworld that too closely resembles the mainstream we came here to avoid. i also have a suitcase full of anxiety that i'm at least willing to own up to, and as most of you know i've had health issues, surgery, recovery (doing great--THANK YOU ALL), then lots of work, followed by not enough work, followed by work picking up again.
And I have a new Mac bought for me by my readers and blog friends--thank you thank you thank you--that makes being here more fun than it is work. the act of kindness restored in me what was some pretty beaten down faith in this little experiment we're engaged in. the notes, the emails, the energy asking me to keep on.
People sometimes ask me, how i feel about what went down and how it went down. There is no single feeling for being swept up in a tide of openness and originality turned car wreck turned tornado turned wasteland.
Pissed? yeah, ok. more at first than i am now. i am actually more optimistic about people than i have ever been. and i have so many blessings i can't count them all. these are things i realize. they are the switch i am learning to manually flip when the lights go out for too long.
I was also thinking just tonight, the way i see it, most of the people involved in the aforementioned shitstorm -- not everyone, but most -- did the right thing. That's a good thing. an important thing.
we are only human beings. we misread one another. we dance like shy school children and then drunken sailors. we can be jerks and heroes--sometimes in the same instant. we are not so predictable.
But, I don't know if i'm so optimistic about 'blogging'. The blogworld is a place where Loren Feldmen's supposed to be funny and I'm an accomplice to a federal crime? that's wrong on so many counts i don't have enough fingers and toes to do the math.
But it's not over. Not by a long shot.
Everything cycles. Video killed the radio star. We've gotta keep at it. Keep at it with me. Don't stop. not this day. not this week. kay?
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August 04, 2007
Best Wishes, Karl
I hope you are back to feeling better soon, Karl. And seriously that is No Pun intended! Steroids are powerful stuff and can really help reduce inflammation and the associated pain. My thoughts are with ya!
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you smell
with one brain cell
covered in hair gel
you smell
like a jail cell.
forget the oil well.
you can't tell
if you feel well
unless you raise hell
before the school bell.
THANKS RHYMING DICTIONARY!
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covered in hair gel
you smell
like a jail cell.
forget the oil well.
you can't tell
if you feel well
unless you raise hell
before the school bell.
THANKS RHYMING DICTIONARY!
---
she gives wings to grief
this.
the end begins here.
and i would like to scream for her - i am a mother too - nononono, it is not fair,
it is not fair, change it, make it not so, make it undone. Please. i am a mother too.
the point is---
grief.
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and this.
I also remember how Wendy told me I would need to be careful not to feed him too much or too little. Too much would make it difficult to die, too little would make it more painful; the same with hydration. I thought that would be an impossible task, but I don’t think he lived too many days after that. I do remember my surprise when he asked for bagel pizzas and soda pop just hours before his seizure and he hadn’t eaten by mouth for days. I heated them up, made them into small bites, and he ate the whole thing. His last supper.
I remember sitting one afternoon, just him and me, making a list of all his favorite things. Like movies, and blueberry jelly bellies. I was compiling the list to use at his memorial service, but I didn’t tell him that.
After Tommy died, and I could find my voice, I made another round of telephone calls. His teachers came over from the school including Mr. Shipman, his favorite kindergarten teacher for whom he had a special love, and they all sat with his body for a bit. My sister, Marilyn arrived from San Francisco about an hour and a half after he died. I was so glad to have her there…no body else could have helped me send his body to the mortuary.
Grandma and Grandpa Smith came from their campground just moments after he left. They helped to get calls made to the Smith side of the family.
Wendy and Bill called the coroner and made sure the body was properly identified. And then they left. I asked them to come to the memorial service, and I received notes from all three, but I never saw them again.
Tommy’s body lay in his bed for about 5 hours. I’d come in and out of the room, putting away the clean laundry in his drawers. When I finished the last bit I told him, “It’s all clean now, you can pack a bag to go home.” I was glad to have time to see him still, not asleep. I could feel his body lose it’s heat. It helped me lose my fear of death.
the end begins here.
and i would like to scream for her - i am a mother too - nononono, it is not fair,
it is not fair, change it, make it not so, make it undone. Please. i am a mother too.
the point is---
grief.
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Oh come on, ICanHasNOT!
i thought we were a little whacked when we bought katherding.com.
well lookie all these ICanHas domains.
icanhasbreakcore? WTF?
If you missed out on the ICanHas craze, I wouldn't worry. Those domains will probably be re-available next year at this time when no one renews them.
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well lookie all these ICanHas domains.
icanhasbreakcore? WTF?
If you missed out on the ICanHas craze, I wouldn't worry. Those domains will probably be re-available next year at this time when no one renews them.
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i think i broke all these rules...
...when i first started working for real, back in the... uh... 80s.
could that be why i'm so tired now?
nonetheless, newly-graduated ones who will NOT be returning back to the college classroom this Fall, take heed and read this post. Good tips include:
The thing is, once you have a baby, and the a school-age child, you have to get up this early even if you don't work at a 9-5 job. So better get used to those early mornings. Maybe you'll be better at it than I am. 23 years post college graduation.
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could that be why i'm so tired now?
nonetheless, newly-graduated ones who will NOT be returning back to the college classroom this Fall, take heed and read this post. Good tips include:
- Positive Thinking. A common thought that may pass your mind. ‘Oh my god! I have to get up at 7am for every day for the rest of my life. Noooooooooooo. Trust me, block this thought out. It can only do you harm!
The thing is, once you have a baby, and the a school-age child, you have to get up this early even if you don't work at a 9-5 job. So better get used to those early mornings. Maybe you'll be better at it than I am. 23 years post college graduation.
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coming up on 21
august 9th is our 21st wedding anniversary.
i was 22 when I met george. i was 24 when we got married. I have known him more than half my life. i have lived more years with him than without.
it is a strange and amazing thing, that point at which a couple crosses over the more-years-with-you-than-without-you chasm. it comes with a lot of tears, love, sweat, heart wrenching changes, holding on, letting go, figuring out, losing, finding, circling around, landing. maybe not for every couple, but for most of us who survive the perfect storms I think it's that way. the undoing of what was undone long before you ever came together, and then the placing pieces in new designs, a mosaic of wounds healing, a together together.
i'm not sure what we're doing for our anniversary; something quiet maybe. we're hoping to head to Savannah later in the month for a couple of days, Jenna in tow. I've never seen the Georgia coast.
i love him.
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i was 22 when I met george. i was 24 when we got married. I have known him more than half my life. i have lived more years with him than without.
it is a strange and amazing thing, that point at which a couple crosses over the more-years-with-you-than-without-you chasm. it comes with a lot of tears, love, sweat, heart wrenching changes, holding on, letting go, figuring out, losing, finding, circling around, landing. maybe not for every couple, but for most of us who survive the perfect storms I think it's that way. the undoing of what was undone long before you ever came together, and then the placing pieces in new designs, a mosaic of wounds healing, a together together.
i'm not sure what we're doing for our anniversary; something quiet maybe. we're hoping to head to Savannah later in the month for a couple of days, Jenna in tow. I've never seen the Georgia coast.
i love him.
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sleepover
it's party time. it's webkinz time. it's club penguin time. it's making beaded necklaces time. it's popcorn time. it's polly pocket time. it's melatoin time.
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August 03, 2007
wikipediaphobia
stumbled upon a great list of phobias, which is always fun late at night. now we only need the web 2.0 version with fear of wikis and scobles and stuff.
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