They grow. They grow.

Blogging since 2001, our sweet Jenna turns seven tomorrow.

If I Could Smoke, I Would

This is a post in which I tell you that I want a cigarette so freaking bad.

October 4th is coming up. Some three months later, and if I didn't know smoking one could cause an immediate and dire consequence to my immediate and dire health, I would light one up in a nanosecond. That's right all you fine friends who cheered me on, I am here to tell you that I spent today tossing truths and dares bewtween my two ears, and in the end, the very end, which was approximately 30 seconds ago, I came down on the side of: I sure would smoke if I could. I sure would light one up and love it and smoke it and love it all over its fine tobbaco self.

You just don't understand. I miss it so much.

I noticed the other day that I now smell cigarette smoke when its coming from the lady inside the sedan THREE CARS AHEAD OF ME! What's with that? I'm minding my own business, and my sniffer says--hey, I smell smoke! And I look all around. Then I see her tan arm, so cool, thin, freckled, hanging out the window, tapping the ashes off her cigarette.

I'm embarrassed. I've wandered so far from my beloved habit that it now assaults me from three car lengths.

I need to be glad about this.

I can't be.

I believe I've gained approximately 850 pounds from the combination of starting hormones for a little issue I'm dealing with at the same time as stopping smoking.

The fuck with all of it! I'm thinking of tossing the dice on the table--stopping all medicines EXCEPT cigarettes, and let the cards fall where they may.

Well, you know.

I'm all blustery.

I won't do it.

Except in pixels.

It feels so good to toy with it.

I really wish I could.

I still miss it every day.

That's just wrong.

healthcareless

Heya Jeb!

Sorry ya'll hadta tho away yo niggalist.

The decision [to scrap the purge list] means that 28,000 Democrats who might have been banned from voting can cast their vote in November. By comparison, the list contained only 9,500 registered Republicans.

It's not like God's not trying down there in Florida. Jeb just won't get under the right tree.

Get Your IM On

Karsh is killin' me again.

Karsh: Damn, I almost got mowed down in the hall
Karsh: They bought pizza for the department
Karsh: and i was coming back from the vending machine
Karsh: swarm of folks
Kia: damn
Kia: did you get some?
Karsh: nope
Kia: why?
Kia: oh you can't eat cheese
Karsh: they gave us lunch in the financial planning meeting
Kia: so!
Karsh: i got like six sammiches
Kia: it's still free
Kia: *dead*
Kia: you nigga
Karsh: shit, my tupperware only hold so much
Karsh: shit
Karsh: LMAO
Karsh: you know i bought some tupperware FOR work yesterday?
Karsh: ain't that some shit?
Kia: you aint shit
Kia: nan.bit.

Cartoonist needed. I'll by a shirt--first one gets it done.

Not so small, not so tall

"Hey Jenna, are you the tallest girl in your class or are there some taller?"

"I'm medium. I'm actually the mediumest one in my class."

Ivana new school

A quick update from the hurricane backwash city of Atlanta, Georgia.

It appears that Ivan (and perhaps the 20 years of mismanagement and poor maintanence of the facility) have combined to make our child's school uninhabitable.

Imagine, if you will, driving happily to carpool Friday afternoon to pick up your little cherub only to discover, from a note stuffed in her backpack, that the school has been having some "water intrusion" (terror alert orange!) and "air quality" problems from the hurricane we borrowed, and the Powers Who Be (plus the guys in hazmet suits) decided to close the school today so the children would not be vaporized as we all wait with baited breath for lab results.

Okay. I can do that. No school Monday. That's cool. Don't want to send her into a poison factory. Wondering now. What the hell is really going on? Thinking. Thinking about how sick she's been these last two years. Starting to watch my blood pressure rise. Trying to keep it cool.

Pick up the phone yesterday (that would be Sunday) and there's a message from "calling post", which apparently lets you leave voice mails for a group of people you REALLY don't want to speak to in person because they'd chew your ass off.

The message was from the Principal who had met with the board (this is a privatized public school, if you remember), and possibly the landlord (the building's leased), and decided to close the school all of this week, and, well, possibly forever.

Wow. Okay. How 'bout that. Huh.

As they "aggressively seek" an alternate location for the school, I decided to drive by there today. I saw the cafeteria windows had been sealed up with terrorist-proof plastic sheeting, each sheet with a big billowing hole in the middle, puffing air to the outside. No one was inside. No one was working on it. It was deserted.

WHAT THE FUCK IS INSIDE THAT SCHOOL?!?!

All the crap they've given me for her sick days and asthma last year and already this year--and you mean to tell me there's something toxic enough inside those walls to have scared all human activity away?

Okay. Not going postal. Not yet.

Wait and see. Could be a simple explanation.

Waiting.

Seeing.

Seething.

Anyone who's been through something remotely similar or has ideas, please share.

Thanks.

Do you really think your vote counts?

Carter fears Florida vote trouble

[[my subtitle: This election will turn bloody.]]

Full text of article:

Voting arrangements in Florida do not meet "basic international requirements" and could undermine the US election, former US President Jimmy Carter says. He said a repeat of the irregularities of the much-disputed 2000 election - which gave President George W Bush the narrowest of wins - "seems likely".

Mr Carter, a veteran observer of polls worldwide, also accused Florida's top election official of "bias".

His remarks come ahead of the first TV debate between Mr Bush and John Kerry.

They are expected to discuss the war on Iraq and homeland security during the programme on Thursday.

Both men have cut back on their campaign touring to go behind closed doors and rehearse the arguments and techniques they will need during a series of three debates to be held over two weeks.

Each has held mock debates with aides standing in for their opponent.

Tens of millions of television viewers are expected to watch Thursday's head-to-head.

Mr Kerry, a debating champion at high school and college, will hope it can help him claw back a deficit in the polls variously put between 3% and 9%.

Florida vote

In an article in the Washington Post newspaper, Mr Carter, a Democrat, said that he and ex-President Gerald Ford, a Republican, had been asked to draw up recommendations for changes after the last vote in Florida was marred by arguments over the counting of ballots.

Mr Carter said the reforms they came up with had still not been implemented.

He accused Florida Secretary of State Glenda Hood, a Republican, of trying to get the name of independent presidential candidate Ralph Nader included on the state ballot, knowing he might divert Democrat votes.

He also said: "A fumbling attempt has been made recently to disqualify 22,000 African Americans (likely Democrats), but only 61 Hispanics (likely Republicans), as alleged felons."

Mr Carter said Florida Governor Jeb Bush - brother of the president - had "taken no steps to correct these departures from principles of fair and equal treatment or to prevent them in the future".

"It is unconscionable to perpetuate fraudulent or biased electoral practices in any nation," he added.

"With reforms unlikely at this late stage of the election, perhaps the only recourse will be to focus maximum public scrutiny on the suspicious process in Florida."