My Poetry as Pain in the Ass

I don't quite know how to share the good news. So read David. And Euen.

Euen has captured it in PDF for posterior--I mean posterity.

Apparently one of my more heartfelt poems has been search optimized right to the top of the Hemorrhoid pile.

I mean, I'm verklempt.

I've saved the PDF in my, errr, samples folder.

Thanks, fellas. ;-)

Shelley's been workin' on the railroad all the live-long day.

Whoa.

Wordsworth.

According to the latest calculations based on the real-deal street appeal, I'm just up to my ears in net worth.

ALLIED

My blog is worth $124,198.80.
How much is your blog worth?

BLOG SISTERS

My blog is worth $75,083.82.
How much is your blog worth?

GONZO ENGAGED

My blog is worth $11,290.80.
How much is your blog worth?

Bidding opens at a buck fifty (as in $1.50).

I'm a Top 5 Peurto Rican Blogger!?

WHO KNEW!?

I'd like to thank the academy, all the little people, the sun that tanned me, and my Chevy van. Really.

It's just me.

okay, i thought the fake boobs were funny sort of. like because they're fake. not just not real, but completely not real on a not real dummy. george is like, so what's so funny. I'm like, get it, it means "tough titties!" and he's like what does that mean. i said it means like tough shit. and he's like, i never heard that phrase to mean that phrase. so i said, then i guess it's just me, and now it's just not funny at all.

i think i'll blame it on the template.

are you not reading blogsisters?

You all should be reading Blog Sisters.

I bet you wanna know about some stuff...

Well TOUGH


OH shut up, they're not even real. They're on a pretend human from that place that makes real dolls, or whatever they're called. Remember? Charlie in the bubble bath a week or so back?

So what's that do to you? Worse than a dead woman. A pretend woman. HA! And I'm the freak. Yeah. Okay.

Listen, you've been asking for content, and here I am all fudging around with my template, and there's just nothing I can do about that. There's only so much brainpower to go around, and I'm running three guns shy of a posse (I SAID POSSE), so you have to bare with me or go read DOOCE.

But I have help on the way this weekend and damn if I don't need it. More on that and a big fat thankyou link later.

Mean time, there is one cool little thing over on the right hand side there that Sir RageBoy has already asked to play with. And I said okay, and I hope that's okay with the people who invented the little doosie. It's the lil swicki over there with my words in it.

You know you want one.

You've been looking at it saying WTF is that?

You want one badenuf, send me an email.

I'll let you in.

How 'bout that for some content.

"TELL me about it!" -- Halley Suitt

It never fails. When I talk with Halley by phone, I always end up in stitches.

We each play a part in what eventually ends up being a snot out the nose fiesta, even if fiesta probably isn't the right word. Now in this space, I don't hesitate to give Halley a hard time and she doesn't hesitate to give me lip back, but when we catch up and talk turkey, we're two slap happy freak moms on the phone.

Usually I'm driving, or she's driving, and it's dangerous. Especially when we're talking about kids and school and how THEY DON'T HAVE SCHOOL ANYMORE what with all the holidays, and while we get extra Bible-Belt and Hurricane holidays here in landlocked Atlanta, Halley gets the Jewish Holidays, and we both get "inservice" and "teacher workdays," approximately every two to three days. And every public school parent in America understands the threat of Conference Week.

SHIT!

Conference week resulted in Jenna being off half-days all last week, unless you take into account the fact that they're not half days at all; they're "drop your kid off, take a shower, and see them in 23 minutes" days.

Then I'm all: Halley, I remember actually GOING to school; do you remember that? And she's all--TELL me about it! And I'm all Halley remember summer school? AS IF!

So she tells me they still have summer school up there, but you really have to work to get in--and I mean fail everything including classes you didn't even take; and I tell her hey, down here they don't have summer school--public schools are locked up like Fort Knox all summer for you to lust after as you tote your kids to friends, relatives, camps, because goodness knows at least in Suburban Atlanta there's no one home to make for real neighborhoods anymore because everyone's working 17 days a week.

Then I had to hang up because a business call came in, and I had to take it, and after all I was on the way from therapy where I'm busily working on other people's personality disorders, mine being well in-hand by now.

The moral of the story: Don't Suitt and drive.

quote of the day

"STOP BRAGGIN' AND WRING THAT CHICKEN'S NECK!" -Granny

From an early episode of beverly hillbilly's that jenna is watching while I work and she holds her throw-up bowl next to me.

hmmm. she sure has been quiet.

hmmmm.

okay, quite honestly?

I don't like this template either. And you know what? Blogskins has been taken over by 15 year olds obsessed with Japanese anime. Okay? There's nothing wrong with that, unless you (I) spend three hours scrolling through skins fascinated by the change in the inhabitants of that site that I used to rely on for templates.

I just had to update you.

I'm still feeling displaced. The swicki's cool though, eh? --->

Do you commune?

Okay, I need a teensy weensy piece of your brains. I have a client. God smiles upon me: I have more than one even! Anyway, for this client, whom you will be hearing more about even from other strings on this web of ours, we're developing a kind of edgy fun community-group blog around a specific activity. Don't get all PR-sey on me now, I know from what I speak and it won't be dweeby. What I'm saying though is that I want to know what community type blogs you think have the best look - feel - interface - features - valueadds - content - quirkiness - easiness - attitude - photos - forums - whatever else - etc. Some of you may even want to jump on and off of it once it's up.

So, got any good examples, better known in the real world as best practices, to point me to? I'll make it up to you. Probably not for a month or so though. Long story. Tired body.

I was trying to put in some really cute code at the bottom here--guess what, it didn't work.

Blogebrity Grew Up Good

Blogebrity could have gone lots of different ways from it's early black screen list of A-B-C-orati. It went the right way. Good writing. Irreverent. Design++.

Step 1: ADMIT YOU ARE POWERLESS

OKAY, I SUCK AT TEMPLATES.

I CAN'T DO THIS.

I want one of these--they are free but I don't know how to ake them work in blogger.

someone must.

WTF.

WHere can I find a blogger template that doesn't look like stupidville.

Google can wire a nation, and they can't give us new blogger templates for 300-something DAYS?

That ain't cool.

Come on man, folks are talking about how amateurish we are. Give us some templates that LOOK like the more powerful tools.

GOOGLE PAY SOME BLOG TEMPLATE DESIGNERS for their shit and put it up.

We're tired of looking like each other.

--me

i'm having some template issues

could you tell?

Funny Game Show Segment

I'll take the little cartoon man with the long......for $500, Bob?

The Bird Flu Home!

Poultry-Cast from the Wonderchicken.

All is right with the world.

two-fold.

Sorta.

Digital Identity

Crisis.