What SIX looks like

Happy birthday, sweet Jenna!





Presents wrapped (Big Lots rocks). Cupcakes dropped off at school. Now to figure out dinner and a cake.

hmmmm.

til later.

what's news?

Really. I haven't heard a thing. I needed to generate about ten pages of copy today (note the word generate--not craft or create), so I decided to make Starbucks my office for the first time. It's amazing what a comfortable chair, some lame music, and three venti-sized cups of super-charged coffee/latte/mocha/java and whatever other things I drank can do for your productiivity. Sheesh! I've found me some new office space. And it's free, if you don't count the mandatory $4 a pop drinks.

Now, I can't get on the net, because I'm a lame old DSL cable chick, but I wonder if I could get one of those fancy wi-fi cards in my old Dell laptop and actually get online while I'm at "the office." That would be cool. Or maybe that would be a distraction. Jury's still out.

Anyway, I did have my T-Mobile Sidekick (you remember, the one that fell off my van going 40 down the highway several months ago) with me, and since I get my email on the sidekick (plus phone calls from creditors) I was highly reachable.

No complaints. Except that they should have some salads and real food available instead of all that sweet stuff. Between the sugar and caffiene, I've been a bitch since 7 p.m.

But I'm a bitch who met two deadlines.

that counts for something.

In other news, OUR BABY TURNS SIX TOMORROW!

My goodness. I'm thinking back to the night before she was born, and we knew she was coming since she was a scheduled c-section (thank you Fibroids--NOT!). She was born on a Tuesday at 8:25 a.m. Tomorrow's a Tuesday. I guess that's as close to a precise anniversary as you ever get.

I remember showing up for prep at 6-something in the morning. I remember sitting in our sliver Honda Civic, refusing to get out. I remember how not-ready I was. Not a pain, not a contraction. No reason to go in there. No reason to want her to come out just then. But it was our scheduled day, and it was our scheduled time, and surgeons wait for no man.

I really didn't want to go through the doors.

I really didn't see any need.

I'm quite sure she could have rested comfortably in there for another two weeks.

I think having to walk in pain free and submit to having my baby yanked out of me has something to do with my ever-present warm and fuzzy feeling of wanting her back in there. Where she was safe. When I was safe. Where our family was safe. Before all of everything that came afterward.

Anyway, George finally made me laugh at something, and I finally agreed to go in. I think if he hadn't been at my side, I would have rolled off the table and rolled myself home (see, you can't move from the chest down with an epidural; hence the rolling idea) just to get out of there.

But I didn't roll. I just felt like throwing up when they lifted me off the table with the mightiest of yanks to free her from her nest of fibroid tumors. That sweet little breech baby came out feet first. And George held her for me to see, and I think six trillion thoughts went through my head.

six or seven.

Man. They grow and grow. How do we get to where we get?

Everyone, take off work tomorrow in honor of National BabyBlogger's Birthday. Spend the day kissing your kids. We'll all meet at Chuck-E-Cheese, or the zoo, or Toys-R-Us. No one works. We all play all day. If you don't have a kid, play with someone else's. Or bring your pet to the park for the kids to play with.

For crying out loud, It goes too fast.

Way too fast.

monumental six-year-old moment.

Jenna turns six next week.

As monumental is this is for her, I haven't been giving it much thought, or have been trying not to. Some kind of denial thing on my part, no doubt. No party planned, just an inkling of doing something special, maybe the weekend after her birthday. No real liquid funds to do it up big, plus that has never been a real goal in our house. We're looking forward to taking her to the zoo for her very first time next week. She will love that--and since we've never been, it ought to be f-u-n for all of us.

The improvisational approach to her sixth birthday on my part has more to do with my not-so-unconscious desire to keep her my little baby forevere than my busy schedule, I'm sure. But this morning was I got an indication of why milestones are attached to birthdays, or why birthdays truly are milestones, at least for children.

For the very first time in the history of this mother and this daughter, Jenna let me sleep in until 10:30 this morning.

Oh. My. Goodness!

10:sweeeet40 to be exact.

She got up on her own, got her self dressed on her own, went downstairs on her own, did two mixed-media art projects that featured beads, straws, crayons, construction paper, and glue. She didn't make a mess. She made art. I heard her dancing around downstairs, while drifting in and out of sleep, knowing something was different but not sure what.

Not until she came in and said, "Mom, the clock saays 10:40, are you going to get up?" I looked at the clock. No lie. It wasn't 7:30, or 8:30, or 9:30. It was 10:40.

I hugged her and told her how big she was to get up all on her own and do her projects. And then I made her the big pan of french fries she'd been drewling for.

If this is six, I'm glad it's here.

Stunned, but glad.

The Cash Flow Woes

Got some sweet juicy clients
know they got plenty of green
looks like I won't see my part
'til my kid turns 16.

I got the cash flow woes,
oh baby feels like a gray, gray day
got the cash flow woes
when them clients gonna pay?

mmmm love letter came in the mail
just yesterday noon
say the electric man comin'
to turn my lights of soon.

I got the cash flow woes
oh baby feels like a gray gray day
got the cash flow woes
when them clients gonna pay?

You know you poor (po), baby
When you 'fraid to answer the door (do), baby
The man come to get your Ford (Fo), baby
And give it a tow, baby.
Nothin you can do but cry, baby
And wave goodbye, baby
You get your shotgun and try, baby
But you better better better aim it high, high, high.

I got the cash flow woes
oh baby feels like a gray gray day
got the cash flow woes
when them clients gonna pay?

You know they like what I do
Say my words cut through the haze
But when I ask for my taste
They keep tellin' me THIRTY more days.

I got the cash flow woes
oh baby feels like a gray gray day
got the cash flow woes
when them clients gonna pay?

Now our sweet brown-eyed baby
turns six oh six next week
what little monney we had
the tooth fairy gave for her teeth.

I got the cash flow woes
oh baby feels like a gray gray day
got the cash flow woes
when them clients gonna pay?

Breaking Up (with a client) Is Hard to Do?

I've never been very good at saying goodbye. But maybe I should. At a minimum, I need to set up some ground rules I can live with. I need the work, yes. I need the money, yes. But do I need the upset stomach? Am I not too old to be "yelled at?"

hmmmm.

I can't help thinking that if I were a man, I'd be handling this better. I don't think I'd be letting myself get bullied into a situation I just don't want. Plenty of women have a right to jump in here and say, it's not a man or woman thing, it's a Jeneane thing. Maybe so. Maybe not. There are blurred edges. I know that.

I'm used to all kinds of clients and client types. I've always been a darling among clients. Even the toughest clients have always trusted me and shown me respect* because I kill myself to get the job done and deliver results, fast. (Better known as mistake exhibit A). And I usually don't mind when they don't treat me with respect. As long as they don't block the road to me getting my job done. And as long as they pay me well.

Maybe it's about setting boundaries, limits on my time and availability, putting some framework around the services I offer, maybe even first define them to MYSELF.

I've failed at putting processes and structure in place within my own business, because I've been running so fast to get and complete projects. That part is my fault. I'm running amuck treating every project like a meaningful but improvisational conversation rather than a structured engagement. When someone asks what exactly I do, although I do it every day, I'm still not sure how to answer it. When someone asks what value I bring, it's easier to show them than to explain it.

I think I need a business web site. To do some messaging and marketing for myself. The cobbler's children and all....

I think that would help me structure myself, define myself. And may even save or improve the relationship with the client that today I wish I didn't have.

I'm moving so fast to stay ahead of the wind.

It's time to slow down.

To take a look at what I want to do when I grow up.

Thank you for letting me turn a post that was going to be a rant into a possible solution. Ain't blogging cool that way?


*except for those within the 666 corporation

No, really. BigPR is fine. Pulse good. Blood Pressure Good.... Uh, wait a sec.... Code Blue!

And in today's news: Ketchum Roots Torn from City in Merger.

I swear, I didn't know a thing. Honest. Call it intuition.

{sniff. sniff. she sheds a tear.}

"There will still be an office in Pittsburgh, but as part of the move to be more efficient, the agency is laying off six employees, bringing total employment to an estimated 20."

Film at 11.

David, did you remember the wheat bread?

It isn't exactly newsworthy what happened to me in Publix last week. But in the context of blogging, it was, well, one of those moments that makes you wonder, "What's going on here?"

I dragged my tired behind through the store, no list, a bottle of soda here, some Lunchables there, an uninspired grab for yogurt here, an obligatory package of toilet paper there. When I was done I had 60 percent of what I thought I might have come to the grocery store to get. I was more anxious to finish than to contemplate what we were actually "out of" at home.

That's me, that's you. We always pick the slowest line. But the cashiers at Publix are friendly. I wasn't that friendly when I worked the register at K-Mart in my late teens. But these kids seem to enjoy their jobs. And that makes the slow line bearable.

When I finished checking out, I pushed my cart ahead and turned back to get the receipt I almost forgot. That's when I saw him.

"It's David Weinberger!" my central nervous system said. Before I knew what was happening, the smile was painted on my face and I had inhaled, ready to come out with a loud, "DAVID!"

Now you should know, I've "known" David as a blogger for what, two years or so? I read Cluetrain and generally travel in the same blog circles as David. But I've never actually met the man. Never seen him in three dimensions. Only two.

And yet, for those couple of seconds, this poor fellow I stood beaming at WAS David Weinberger to me. So many introductions ran through my head: "David--It's ME, Jeneane!" "David, you shop here?" "Hey, Joho, HO HO HO!"

Then I remembered, in that gnawing physical world disconnect, that David doesn't live in Atlanta. I think he lives in Boston. Or near there. No, David wouldn't be shopping at my Publix. No, this wasn't David Weinberger. No, this isn't the land of blogs. No this is the real world. No. No. No. Behave yourself.

What a let down. To have thought I bumped into a real live blogger, by accident, a celebrity of sorts, in my very own Publix. Only to find out it was a man, like any other, trying to get his bread and milk on his way home from work.

Soon though.

Soon it might be that we're grocery shopping with more bloggers than we are non-bloggers. In our lifetime, I bet. We'll be standing in line at our local Blockbuster and recognize someone we only know textually. Or pixelly. And it will be like that.

It will be one of those moments that make your synapses fire, that bring you such joy, a re-uniting with an old friend, like that day last week when I saw David at Publix.

bump

I'm bumping the last post into second position so Halley can read it in something other than 9 point Times New Roman, or whatever this horrid font size is. I think she still has one eye to go.

So, the question got popped today

Yes. That one: "What are you--a freelance writer, a PR person..." I could almost hear a silent "Or what?" at the end of the sentence.

Oh boy. I decided to answer it, since I've been getting the question for a couple of months now. But it wasn't an easy answer, and it took me a really long and winding email to explain it to the person asking, not to mention myself.

So much for my elevator statement.

Messaging Department, take a note.

I mean, in the traditional corporate career, you either write contributed articles and case studies and press kits and the like, or you write journalistically. You pick. One's a sleezy profession, one's honorable. One people run from, the other they like to rub elbows with.

Here, look at my poetry. We write kind of similar stuff, don't you think?

Well, no. I mean, not really. But okay. I like it when people like me. That works. So sure.

No one ever says, Oooooooh! Did you write that contributed article on Data Warehousing in DM Review last month? Was that your story on the customer information architecture by that CEO in Healthcare Informatics? {swoon}

No. That activity is not becoming for a writer. It simply pays the bills.

i.e.=sellout.

For my entire career, it's been a cut and dry answer for me. At Kodak it was technical writing; at STI, marketing and PR writing, at Crescent the same, at Ketchum more of the same times 20.

Even the stuff I wrote under my own name over those years, some that paid pretty well, was somehow separate from how I made my living. You know, my CAREER.

How I made my living was PR and Marketing writing.

But how I make my living now is not that simple. Because, if you've been following along with the home game, you know I got laidoff--or should I say I declined their offer to stay--by the Passion and Precision in Communication folks in April.

So, today I do everything.

Whatever interests me and pays, I do it.

And that isn't what most people do.

You're agency or you're corporate.

You're a PR person or you're a writer.

Always sides. Always dividing lines. Always a way to separate voice from itself.

So today, I find myself doing both kinds of writing within a business landscape that has been oiled and tuned for decades to see the dividing line, the hierarchy, the bottom feeders of PR versus the editorial elite.

And I don't fit either mold. Or I fit both. I'm in Media Map as a weblog journalist. Soon I'll be in Media Map as a freelance writer. I also use Media Map for one of my clients, the only one currently for whom I do PR.

What do you make of that? What does that make me?

Yesterday, when this very issue started swirling around my head, I decided that the identity crisis I'm going through is less about ME and more about a subtle change that's taking place around VOICE. Voice with a capital V. Thanks to blogging.

The way I see it today is that the imaginary lines that have for so long separated and silenced human beings as Voices are in place largely because the human voice doesn't fit within the business model, preferences, or pet peeves of big media NOR does it fit the business models, preferences, and brown nosing of BigPR. Not to mention corporations in general, AKA: the client.

Thanks to the Net and most especially blogging, the human voice is beginning, ever so subtly, to rise to the top. To become media. Voice as media resonataing with message. It doesn't matter the outlet, the voice is becoming the place of broadcast wattage. What that means is that I don't care whether I read it in CIO magazine under Halley Suitt's name, or whether Halley Suitt writes it under Jack Bennett's (who? i dunno--it's just a name) name, or if she writes it for Penthouse. You can't deny her voice. I'll know it's her. Even when it's not her. You see?

Give me a Suitt, hold the mayo, extra ketchup.

It's like that. It's a Kleenex thing.

Our day is here. We used to have to bury our voices in business. But that's changing. Even if it's changing because the loudest and most obnoxious among us are being cast out.

GOOD! That's GOOD!

If we are doing nothing else here, we are honing our ears for honesty.

Bloggers know when something sounds dishonest--it doesn't hold our interest for long. We know when someone is telling us something from the gut, something they believe in. We are captivated. It doesn't matter if they're telling us about running out of paper towels and having nothing left to blow their noses in, or if they're telling us the GMAC mini van they bought already sucks wastewater, it is the VOICE----the heart, the soul----of the writer we're tuning into here.

And you once you've tuned into that, you can't tune out just because business wants you to.

You can't turn off genuine voice--you want more and more and more of it, because it makes you feel alive. You hear the heartbeat within it. You know someone's in there.

Tap a vein, I'm comin' in.

Where was I going with this?

Oh yes. The "What am I" question.

I think, from here forward, my answer will be: A blogger.

This other stuff I do, it's just markin' time.

Can I hear an Amen?

Let Us Take Stock

You writers know how it is. You work on a project. You're close. It's almost done. Everyone's happy. You're ecstatic because if you have to write one more word, even if it's only a five or six letter word, you think your knees will give out. You have no words left. Your brain has been sucked dry. Someone asks you your name, you say, "Ummm?"

Right, but it's almost done, so your brain cells start to regenerate--out of habit more than anything else.

And with the new brain cells, the old ones receed. Any knowledge you had on what you were writing about begins to fade. Soon it will all be gone. When you read the result in a week or two or three, it will all be brand new, as if you'd never seen it before in your life.

You'll think, wow, did I write that? Sometimes when you ask yourself that question, it's because the writing sounds so good. And sometimes it's because it sucks so bad. But either way, you dance about on light feet that day because the project is officially done.

Well, mine's not.

I thought we were close. You know how that is. Ooooo. So close you can taste it, and then a hump in the process, and more interviews, and more re-writes, and that's just the way it goes.

But you can't help it. You dig deep for the inspiration to keep pumping the words out. You're so desperate you dig into your cliche basket with renewed vigor. Anything. Anything. Have to keep pushing. Must get it done. Leverage Leverage Leverage.

Keep.

on.

one.

word.

at.

a.

time.

I have created this day the writer's serenity prayer:

God grant me the serenity to accept the edits I must change, the courage not to change the sentences that make sense, and the wisdom to know the difference.

SO in honor of where I am today, I've decided to take stock. Certainly, there are many worse things than a project that won't end. Certainly, there are many worse professions in life than those that keep you stuck to the couch, arms stretched forward, perched over these black keys like EltonFuckingJohn.

Certainly.

Now for two categories designed to help make me thankful for the day...

DOING THIS IS BETTER THAN:

Walking 8 miles to the store. But not better than walking 2 miles to the store.

An all-day workshop on anything.

Not smoking

Waiting in line at Motor Vehicles

A yearly OBGYN appointment


WHAT I WOULD RATHER BE SUFFERIING THROUGH INSTEAD OF THIS:

Laying flat on the floor, face down, being whipped six to eight times on the back with a [[name your implement]]. I would not rather be whipped more than eight times. And I would rather nails not be used.

A dental cleaning

1-hour traffic jam, but not 3 hour traffic jam

Cramps

A fall on grass, but not on concrete

Whole-house vacuuming.


That should give you an idea of how my day's going so far. So, how's your day going?

crap

no time to play. thinking I was done with this recent big push on web copy was, well, wishful at best. I'm back to the grind this week. No time to ponder the better side of life among the blogs.

In real world news, our Jenna turns six on Tuesday. In the last week and a half, she's lost TWO bottom teeth. Truly looking like a six year old now. amazing. what happens. time. it goes. and goes. and then we're done I guess.

more soon. stay upbeat.

ahhhhhhhhh...

that was a sigh of relief.

I've not been here as much as I would like since Jenna wound up in the hospital because work picked up to a feverish pitch (get it--hospital/feverish?) right before she went in, and I've been racing ever since.

To everyone I haven't emailed back: I'm sorry
To everyone I haven't done what I promised I'd do: I'm sorry
To everyone I've done something to lately I shouldn't have: I'm sorry
To Jenna and George: I'm sorry.

Chalk it up to the limitations of human frailty. Over the last ten days I've dumped 65 pages of copy out of my head for a client. That's a lot of copy, even when you write fast and while you're sleeping. It's been a year since I've had to crunch like that, so I'm here to say the worst of it is done, for now, and I hope I can come out and play next week on my blog!!

You all have the day off tomorrow, 'cause I say so.

And that's WITH pay.

Enjoy!

One last thing...

I think these recent developments actually qualify me for Pirateship.

So, really, pirates talk like I do.

good night.

send chachkes.

or I'll have to slip aboard and steal them from you.

Now that I've located myself...

So, I thought I should report, now that I've found myself (see post below), and myself is a member of the media, that I can be bought. I'm not like those old school journalists. I'm biased, I'm poor (okay, maybe I'm like them that way), and I'm on the take.

Bring on your tired, your weary, your product enhancement press releases.

But you better send the cool t-shirts and pens and magnetic poetry and stress balls and yo-yos and leather binders and all those other cool things you send the real media.

Damnit.

And when you're not looking, I'll sell all the cool stuff you sent me on ebay to pay for hosting of this media outlet.

I also accept nice lunches where you can tell me all about what you're leveraging this month.

Sure, you want to do a press tour to my house, that's cool. Bring a toy for my kid.

I prefer to receive press releases never, and prefer to be contacted by email. Or carrier pigeon. YES, please send pigeons.

Yah, that's the ticket.

A Funny Thing Happened on the Way Back to Media Map

I'm in it.

And so are a lot of you bloggers.

Remember when Dan Gillmor and others posted about getting pinged by annoying PR people from BigPR asking if their client can guest host (or some such nonsense) their weblogs?

Well I know why now. It's Media Map.

When I left Ketchum, I was an infrequent but pleased user of Media Map. I've always thought Media Map was the killer ap for media relations. I started using it when I was at Crescent back in 1997. It had some bugs back in those days, like don't try to click on page two of your search results because it just wasn't having that. But over the years, it's become a valuable tools of both big and small agencies.

I'm now using Media Map Performa for one of my clients. It's some version of media map that is basically the media map I remember from six months ago. It's good. No bugs like in the old days--least as I can tell so far.

In the database is just about every reporter, editor, broadcast journalist, publisher, producer, lapdancer and candlestick maker in the wonderful world of media. There are a number of ways to search them up, and a number of reports you can generate. It's not all bad for the reporters either. They get to state their pet peeves--like DON'T FUCKING CALL ME (mostly they don't say fucking); email me instead.

And would you believe many of them still prefer faxes for press releases--I'm assuming that's so they can easily ignore them altogether. Smart.

But that's not news.

The news to ME was this: Among the choices in the field for media "Outlet" -- along with magazines, journals, broadcast TV, Broadcast Radio, Online, Newsletters, etc -- is now--you guessed it--BLOGS.

PLABOMEASHGHOFLSHHH: Sound of Jeneane's mind being blown.

So, when I put my mind back together, naturally I searched on blogs.

And there was Allied, this very blog, proudly if not puzzlingly listed among the "A"s.

Right. Dig it.

I come to Media Map
in my role
as a PR person
searching
for various media outlets.
I dutifully look
for contacts names
and outlets there.

One of the outlets I find
is my very own blog,
this blog,
And one of the media contacts I find
is ME.

I, in essence, have found myself.

I never thought it would feel like this.

Is your head spinning yet?

And George is there, and Doc and David are there.

Here's a sampling of what Media Map says about some of us:

The Doc Searls Weblog covers computer technology, as well as current events, national, and international news.

And then about Doc himself, as the contact for the blog: Searls' blog covers computer technology, as well as current events, national, and international news. Searls is the Senior Editor of The Linux Journal. He prefers to receive all press releases and contact by e-mail. See the outlet overview for complete blog details and pitching tips. Topics covered - Emerging technology; Government: municipal, county, and natl.; News, international; News, national; Technology.

For George's blog, it says: Musick covers jazz and the music industry.

For David it says: Joho the Blog covers government and politics, technology, the Internet, other blogs, and the media.

And for this blog? Allied covers topics related to healthcare, public relations, technology and blogging, communications, and general business topics.

And about me as the contact for the blog: Sessum covers topics related to healthcare, public relations, technology and blogging, communications, general business topics, and race issues in her blog. She can be contacted by e-mail. See the outlet overview for complete blog details and pitching tips. Topics covered - Advertising, marketing, and PR; Business; Communications, technology; Healthcare; Internet; Social issues; Technology.

Before you get irate or excited (you know--I was basically stupified), know that Media Map has a blog too, and it's not a bad one. It's one of those mostly news blogs, but I generally hang out there for longer than five seconds, so that means I'm reading something. I think they're getting the hang of it. It's not Media Map I'm worried about. It's the masses of PR newbies at BigPR agencies that could begin to make the lives of bloggers difficult.

I'm afraid of this very likely sequence of events:

1) PR AE goes to media map.
2) Performs search for a business/technology media
3) IN THE FIELD FOR OUTLETS, SHE CLICKS ON "ALL"
4) Blogs appear in the search results among the usual suspects
5) She checks out a few blogs before pitching, but doesn't know how blogs or blogging work.
6) We bloggers begin getting bombarded with pitches from PR flacks just like traditional journalists do.

In answer to the question that I so hate -- "Are Bloggers Journalists?" -- we may not be allowed the power to answer that for ourselves in the end. We may just start getting pitched. And some of the stories will be interesting. Some may be so interesting that we bite on them. And then what are we?

And some of them will be really lame and annoying. Well, probably most.

And it will be up to each of us to decide what to do with these pitches.

The depressing part of blogs being part of media map is essentially what's depressing about most broadcast media in general and its happy lackey BigPR: Targeting, not talking.

If we could skip the search-and-pitch-at-100-miles-an-hour routine, and if more bloggers, businesspeople among them, and traditional journalists got to know each other as people--heaven forbid even switch voice and genres here and there--well then, we'd be talking. Literally.

As I sit here this evening pondering what I stumbled on today, I say good for Media Map for giving us a run in their database. But PR people PLEASE use blogs as an outlet with extreme caution. Otherwise you'll find your pitches and your names plastered up for the world to see. And your boss--the one who probably told you to find out about those new weblog things--won't be so happy about that.

But still there's an upside. When you get fired by that same clueless overlord, you can come blog with us.

And just wait; those same people will be lathering you up with praise hoping to get you to pick up a story or two....

;-)

Oh, I forgot... Land like a Pirate

Pirates have different ways of boarding ships these days.

Technology is so cool.

bloody 'ell.

(Is that British or Pirate?)

Fashionably Late to the Pirate Ball

You coulda knocked me over with a feather when I heard it was Talk Like a Pirate day from this fine Woman of the Sea and this this fine Woman of the Burning Parrot!

The only problem is, I've been walking around trying to talk like a pirate all day and I can't do it.

I can't get the cadence.

I can't get it.

But I am bold in my breeches. That must be good for something.

Yes, that's "Bold" not "Soiled".

Now THIS is what you do with spam.

BMO gets down on penis enlargement with a pretty darn hysterical post.

New Research from The Allied Center for Applied Physical World Studies

All Men Go Back; All Women Go Forward.

This shit is deep.

asleep girl walking

this is my blog. I can post what I want. sometimes you have to remind yourself of that. so if I want to whine about how tired I am, I can. I will. Too often lately I see bloggers critiquing other bloggers for their pettiness. You know those comments. They're the ones that try to belittle the writer by stating emphatically that what he or she is blogging about isn't important.

well fuck that.

when we started this mess called blogging, we were bloggiing to see what blogging was, and mostly, to have fun. The heavy posts were deep because they were a break from the free-for-all link-and-laugh fest that woke us all up and gave us a reason to get out here and show ourselves in the first place. Now there seems to be some kind of unspoken mandate that what we write should be meaningful and relate to "our readers."

again, fuck that.

This isn't a job, it's an adventure.

If I want to complain about how tired I am or how hard it still is to get my kid to sleep, I will. If I want to say, oh no, Jenna woke up with a sore throat this morning--which she did--and feel like crying all over this blog, I can.

If I want to write about driving to Walmart last week with George and Jenna to get printer cartridges, only to get half way there and say, "Uh, George, do you know what model the printer is?" And him slowing, breaking the car, getting ready to turn around so we could go back and look, me turning to Jenna, still 5, for a couple of weeks yet, asking: "Jenna, do you remember the printer model number?"

"Z-22."

Parents exchanging looks in the front seat.

Z-22. I think she's right.

And she is.

And we get the cartridge and say, wow, how did you remember that?

I don't know. I just remember seeing it.

And if I want to write about how our minds are so plyable at that age, so nimble and flexible and uncluttered, I can.

And if I want to mourn here that I already see the crap of humanity starting to fill little pieces of her mind, starting to infiltrate those innocent perfect sacred spots, the spots fighting to contain mistaken lyrics to songs sung loudly, to contain bright red printer model numbers, to hang on to the three big fingers she used to draw on the people she makes in her art, or her daddy's locks always sticking striaght up in those drawings, then I will.

Right.

And so, if I want to whine here, I'll whine. I don't want to have to be profound. Some days I can come here and say I'm tired as shit, feel as old as dirt, working too hard for what, losing myself again.

some days I come here and post pictures of lingerie barbie and GI Joe.

And I'll come here to look for some joy and games and jokes and stupidity and aimless ramblings from bloggers who remember what it was like.

And I'll continue to do whatever the fuck I want here.

And so should you.

zzzzzzzzzz

When you fall asleep at the computer (and don't lie and tell me you don't do that), does your head nod off forward or backward? I'm a forward nodder all the way. Takes two bounces down for me to realize I'm asleep, and then I snap it back up and pretend it didn't happen.

yep.

back at it.

How to Do PR Ass-Backwards in Ten Easy Lessons

1) Think of it as PR.

this looks like a book I could read and maybe even understand

After much rumination and a solid review on Ruminate This, I believe I want to have a read of this book. Ruminations, of course, to follow.

The Bruner's don't stop

Over at Michael OCC's blog just now--((HI MICHAEL!!! I'm SORRY I haven't emailed lately. Kiss that baby for us!))--I saw a post pointing to Marketing Wonk, the brainchild of Rick Bruner, at least I think so. How the hell did I miss Marketing Wonk this long?

I'm doing one of those things we bloggers often do.

Those linguistic double takes: "Uh, how did I get to this blog again? Hmmm. And is this the same guy so-and-so was posting about? OH holy shit, look, he's posting about my Uncle Bucky--OH FUCK, we're related!! OH MAN, this blogger's my HALF BROTHER!"

Well, they're not all exactly like that.

But you know what I mean.

So I'm asking, is the Rick Bruner MOCC mentions the same Rick Bruner I happened upon one post below off someone's blogroll who I don't read that often, so not often that I don't remember how I even clicked there?

And after earlier today being sold on the "Bruner You Pig' (BYP) concept by the BYP (no relation to Rick Bruner, at least I don't think...Rick--are you Polish?) creative director, Marek Fucking J. or DOCTOR J-- back with a spanking new blog and his get-down-get-funky, blow-my-mind writing.

So, Marek/RB/Annie are talking about BYP, I'm clicking through to Bruner.net off some randomx blogroll, and MOCC's over there talking about Marketing Wonk.

What the hell kind of synchronistic convergence in the hemospheric chasms of catastrophic proportions is this?

Eh, Bruners???

I like.

I like.

Bruner, but not that Bruner, has some cool photos of European men who respect their babes by treating them like.... cattle?

Damn. Talk about ungentlemanly.

Found it on this cool blog by Rick Bruner.

No, now, I know what you're thinking. It's not THAT bruner!

I've always wanted to see Alaska

In a former life, if I believed such things, which I don't think I do, I do think I was a bat. Cold, dark is a favorite climate for me. The bigger and heavier the comforter I can cuddle under, the better I feel.

Note that this summer I did the anti-bat thing: sun and swimming.

I was so darn proud to go beyond my little comfort zone (better known as the front door) with all of this outside activity.

But truth be told, when I reach inside, when go looking for home, it's dark, it's cool, and when the sun comes you can smell the forrest with it, the ice with it, the snow with it, the wet hard beaches of Lake Ontario where I grew up.

No surprise then that I've always wanted to see Alaska. I used to say to George, man! I'd love to take one of those Alaskan cruises. West Indian roots shuddering at the thought, he would say, "Why? I mean, I know it's beautiful and I wouldn't mind seeing it, but a cruise to Alaska? How about some place a little warmer?"

I think there was two feet of Rochester snow on the ground when I suggested it.

And so that's where Doc and the Linux bunch are, and I swear I could look at those two pictures on Doc's blog all night long.

I'm going to hang upside down from a limb now.

annie, your doorstop's waiting for ya! Or, a post in which Jeneane goes in and out of the southern vernacular

Since RB sold my computer to Ann without my prior knowledge, and then offered to sell her our house as well, I thought I'd better pipe up before RB gives AnnC my kid. For free.

Annie, baby, the laptop's yours if you want it. The only thing is, it's broke. I mean bigtime broke. Once I put Macafee on it, it started actin up something perculiar (note, I'm switching into southern vernacular to appeal to the vernal in you). That there software damn did somethin nasty as a hound's tongue after a huntin trip, 'cause the bitch wouldn't even start up no mo.

In other words, first it wouldn't boot. NOW it won't even turn on.

Really, though, these are all features.

You blog less, you spend more time with fleshy people.

I hear that has its benefits.

So, if you want the dead computer Mr. Boy tried to sell you, you can have it.

Mehbe you got a-one-a them there handy men in yer neck-a-the-woods.

Of course you'll have to pay $14,500 for the 2001 Ford Escape that comes WITH the dead laptop.

It's a steal. Really. Email me for details. Your new laptop and SUV are waiting!

With love,
Bruner, You Pig!

GI Joe Calling Barbie

Halley posts that Sir RB will be rolling a hoover during the upcoming BloggerCon conference, which truth be told I WISH I could go to, but can't get away from my work right now.

Halley, I think to best entertain RB, you ought to consider tossing a few Barbies into Jackson's room with the GI Joes. Rumor has it, RB is looking forward to hooking GI Joe up with Lingerie Barbie. I'm told he can spend hours playing with dolls. Well, the right dolls.

If Jackson's lucky, he'll get some fashion-savvy soldier babies out of the deal in about 3 months (the gestation period for dolls). And when those babies grow up to be alpha males, well, hopefully they'll remember some of their mama's tips on accessorizing.


Barbies, don't let your babies grow up to be soldiers....

Halley, Get thee to ToysRUs!

;-)

the daily ha ha

Peter the writer gets interviewed by the creative director and producer.

Hee hee.

Thanks to the Happy Tutor for the chuckles.

A rant that makes no sense to you, maybe.

Don't you hate it when women get laid off right when they're coming back from maternity leave? You hate that. Right? I hated that when it happened to me six years ago. I hated it so much I got a good lawyer who got the severance I deserved (the one that was in the employee handbook, not the one they made up on let-go day).

Boy, I really hated that I was punished for having a baby after five years of stellar performance, the company hero, the results getter.

Can you spell W-h-a-t- h-a-v-e y-o-u d-o-n-e f-o-r m-e l-a-t-e-l-y.

You really hate that not very many people understand that while you were out of the office, you were finishing baking and birthing a human being. That kind of took up some time on this extended vacation called "disability" (in my day it was).

There are enough women in HR now, in management now, that this shouldn't be happening. It is beginning to smell more and more rotten to me. When women are so worried about their own asses that they won't even stop to notice another woman's ass being raked over the coals, that just plain stinks.

What's next--should we start eating our young and just be done with it?

I mean, there are enough mothers out there to stand up against this growing practice of ousting women on the eve of their return to work, to make a real stink about it when it happens to a colleague. Aren't there?

Aren't there?

Where are all the fucking women in this world?

Hello??????????????

And by the way, if this happens to you unjustly, and you live in Georgia, Adam Conti's great.

bye bye ketchum blog

An update of sorts: the ketchum blog I referenced a couple of days back for its cluelessness is now sans content. As in, the posts there have been deleted, but either someone doesn't know how to delete the blog itself, or maybe they're planning to have another go at it. Time will tell. I have my guess already. I wish I had a bookie.

My original post on the blog has no comments because YACCS, my comment facility, was down and out at the time. But hunt around the PR bloggers. You'll see the references. The latest is over on PR Opinions, where I left a comment, and Tom wrote another good post (although we differ in our predictions) on the topic of BigPR.

So that's the update.

Oh, and...

Anyone wonder if I'm feeling particularly good about pointing the Ketchum blog out and generating much PR biz buzz over it? Or if maybe I'm feeling guilty that my pointing out the blog may have played a role in their ditching the content?

Do you really want to know?

Who knows me--come on, you guys know me... what's your vote?

Good or Guilty.

Lemme know, then I'll tell you that I feel G......................... Well, maybe later.

what a post

When halley does it, she really does it. Damn. A fine post.

Nothing was easy for anyone and of course terrible in some ways for my son. No kid votes to dissolve a family -- they could give a shit if you're unhappily married. You do everything to avoid it. You're kidding yourself if you think they'll EVER understand that your happiness matters. They are built for their own selfish survival and they want family, not rupture. I like that about them. They're smart. They make it painfully clear that you're an asshole -- both of you -- you're both assholes for not being able to stay together.

So you just keep losing and losing -- parents and husbands and weight and you name it -- and some how you come out the other side. God knows how. For me -- it's about writing -- it was the only self I could hold on to and the only place I could go and find a long lost self. What did I write? Irony of ironies -- I wrote about men, all the while not understanding the man I had married at all, letting him down in a million ways perhaps, and simultaneously letting down the boy I was raising. But wait, there is a happy ending -- I'm almost sure of it. I see little glimmers even now. We're all coming through it alive.

yes i know what day it is

a hoard of bloggers will relate their impressions and feelings of the day that changed everything today. Not me. I let mainstream media do that kinda thing.

You see, it's all they have left. I figure we ought to let them keep something. You know, remembrances. Anniversaries. Obituaries. Terror alerts. That kind of thing. So turn on CNN if you want to hear all about the day that was. Better yet, hug your kids and take them to Chuck-E-Cheese or the park.

And Halley, don't preempt my honor role award with that writing that leaves lumps in people's throats, now, ya hear?

smelling her breath and public relations

Okay, I admit it. One of my favorite things about night time when I lay down with Jenna to itch her back is lying face to face, and when she finally falls asleep, If I can stand waiting the very long time it often takes, smelling her breath as she exhales. Not just smelling it really, more like sucking it in.

I time it. She breathes out, and I breath in. Her little breath smells so sweet I want to drink it in like fruit juice.

Tonight I thought, if I inhale with enough force, I wonder if I could suck her back inside me so I could protect her from the world. From nasty cats and boo-boos. From icky spiders and bullies.

You think?

In other news, I'm getting tons of great mail from folks who liked my Bye Bye Big PR post. From "You Go, Girl" to "You hit the nail on the head," my peeps in and out da biz dug it.

Bloggers, thank you for hearing me. It helps validate us lunatics who really are in charge of the asylum--and can that be a bad thing, can it?

Speaking of lunatics and all, The Hooter Tutor, err, I mean, Happy Tutor had, as usual, gobs of insight and intelligent commentary on the TooBigAgency issue. The comment banter between Happy and Gerald is worth the read. I think everyone over there is in agreement that Valium is the answer for me.

Ben Silverman of dotcomscoop fame mentioned it in his ezine.

Uncle Doc (doctor unc?) gave me my props.

Halley the Glove Suitt gave her readers a mandate to check out my take on the end of BigPR, and I see today she's hoisted me onto her September Blogger Honor Roll--I'm so excited! I haven't made an honor roll for more than 20 years! Thanks Halley!

And Jeremy over at his Pop-PR blog chimed in too.

Who'd I miss--anyone?

And, lastly, don't you think the broccoli in those Uncle Ben's Add Boiling Water Quickie Pasta Dinners tastes amazingly like cabbage?

So many things blow my mind.

I am slammed with work that I would have once been doing within the BigPR context. But instead I've been writing from my couch, and it's gotten so out of hand--this work--that I needed a change of scenery, so I have moved my laptop to the floor, and I'm now sprawled out with papers and an empty Starbuck's cup thinking it's time to sleep.

Nighty night.

should she or shouldn't she? Only Glove Girl knows for sure

Halley has a dilemma over her way. Her Harvard B'ness Review Glove Girl and Blogging article has been published in full-frontal fashion by another blogger for all to see. Problem is, Harvard keeps its cherished content behind a pay-fer firewall on purpose--it's part of Harvard Publishing's business model. Oh dear.

Does Halley point to the lifted version of the article, or ignore it? Hmmm.

I say it's time to show Harvard that they had the real Glove Girl in their midst, link to the blog-land-based article content, and see Harvard handles it.

They have a panel of experts they can ask for guidance. ;-)

Hossein Rocks On with His Bad Self over at YACCS

Man, if all businesses delivered on schedule like blog-land businesses, it'd be a happier world. Hossein has YACCS comment facility back up and running, as scheduled. I bet Gary's doing the happy dance too.

So how the hell IS everyone?

I dunno

So what do I do. The YACCS comment facility--which has been down, and which I don't really mind being down since it's been reliable for a long time--is really slowing down my blog by not working. I'd ask you to leave me a comment on what comment facilities you use, but, um, you can't. SO I guess I'll give it another day. Hossein was estimating he'd have the server up by tomorrow.

Guess I'll go take a snooze.

In the mean time, my keyboard's acting up too--extra letters, not registering the space bar when I hit it. It makes hellish work out of writing for a living. I really need an editor now. Except that's my job too. Oh fuck.

Silver Rights--Nice.

This is important. Now, how do we break it to Arnold?

blogging is like having a cigarette

okay, so, I finished another page of web copy, so blogging is my reward, my way to lul myself in the coma I seem to need to be in these days to sleep.

Jenna is doing well. So well. We are so thankful. She's back to 100-percent, with a doctor re-check coming this week. In some ways, I think she's better than she's been in a long time. Of course, that could have something to do with having her daddy to pal around with.

I had a recurring dream last night that Hunter the cat came back. And back. And back. Every time I opened the front door, there he was, jumping through the screen (like always) and biting my calves. It was one of those real dreams. When I went outside today, I opened the door slowly.

The house is a mess. I realize now that the eight hours of sleep I got last night was the longest run of shut-eye I've had in nearly three weeks. Most nights since Jenna got sick were 4 hours, and the hospital was virtually sleepless for three days, followed by the killer work project of all projects, and more of the same.

I'm not complaining because that sweet baby who'll be six years old the end of this month is doing well. Like I said, at this time in my life, that's what matters.

Still, I'm tired. And I think I better hit the sack.

Thanks for hanging with me.

I'm hoping Hossein has the comments working again this week. I miss them. I don't know how glovegirl lives without 'em. ;-)

Pimping Iron

Is anyone really surprised at this? Arnold a racist. You could knock me over with a feather. The racial slurs are one thing, but what up with not paying the $10K lil Arnold? [[yes, i believe the reports.]]

At different times, different things

Blogging means different things at different times to me. Tonight, it is a complete procrastination tool.

Mostly, blogging is breathing. It's something I have to do, to write, to hear my voice, to know I'm alive, you're alive. It's about hearing heart beats. And when I go away from it, the world sounds so loud, but not with beating hearts. More with backfiring cars and pound-pound-pound from the rennovations on the house up the street. How many cars really need to back out of driveways every day? Don't they know?

Tonight though, pure and simple, I'm procrastinating here. I have copy to write. I don't want to write it. I want to hear hearts beating instead.

This is not good.

Looming deadline.

Lots of pages to write.

Why am I hear?

The question is, why do we have to be anyplace else. Darnit.

Okay, I have to do my work now.

More later.

Ketchum Comes Unclued

Lest you think I exaggerate the sad state of BigPR, and its obvious lack of understanding about how to relate to markets on behalf of clients or on behalf of themselves, check out this new Kudos Confidential blog from Ketchum.

I point to this blog because it is a public weblog on blogspot, a place where I've hosted my own blogs for two years plus, a place where I earn my living in ways I'm really beginning to understand, a place where I started the first blogspot resident team weblog back in 2001.

For those who do not know, let me state that Kudos are awards bestowed by Ketchum on "Ketchumites" with the purpose of rewarding employees for delivering results for clients. At least that's how I remember them. I could be wrong. I do remember that the best entries uncoverd during the time-intensive Kudos nomination process were also often submitted for PR Week's Silver Anvil Awards--again, more awards bestowed by those with a vested interest in BigPR to those working in BigPR.

How do you spell, "Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz."

The fact that the first official Blog Ketchum has launched on blogspot serves as a back-patting interoffice circle jerk (sorry for the mixed metaphor--I thought it might give you all something to ponder as you drift off to sleep)--masquerading as a hip controversial PR Real World episode--is laughable.

And that's being kind.

It's actually tragic.

It demonstrates perfectly the tragic state of BigPR: The mighty have fallen; get out the violins.

Meanwhile, in the ranks at Ketchum, I know of a few bloggers who do not have an AAE, AE, SAE, VP, SVP or Director title. In fact, they work in a capacity where most of the folks with those titles on their business cards wouldn't think to ask these workers' opinions about marketing, business, and the Internet.

Yet, I would wager that these individual bloggers are tied into more voices, knowledge, business-related interactions, and personal relationships of value by genuinely participating in this space than the highest ranking, highest billing PR Strategist in that same organization.

You see? That is how it's working.

And they don't have a clue.

You may be wondering if I'm risking anything by discussing a former employer this way. Maybe. But I don't see this post that way. I am discussing a Ketchum weblog launched in a public medium--one in which I am a stakeholder. My weblog is an integral part of how I earn a living doing what I do.

In that respect, it is my job to comment on relevant happenings here. Do you see? That any large PR firm would come here with a flawed concept would beg my pointing it out to allied readers.

That's how I see it. And you?

Stupid Tactics from The World of Big-PR Part Deux:

PR spamery alert from Dan Gilmore

And Mitch Kapor weighs in too.

Bye Bye Big PR

Big PR is not quite dead, but it is dying an agonizing death that's getting difficult to watch. At least for anyone who's suffered through the cubes and brainstorms of large agency life for any time at all. Those of us who remember when what we did really did matter. Just a little. Never a lot. But still, some.

The reason for Big-PR's demise is quite simple: They can't afford to operate without charging inflated rates. That's a pickle. Because those of us out on the market now--the higher-priced talent separated (voluntarily or involuntarily) from Big PR over the last two years--can offer better services at half the price or less.

Where once Big PR boasted about best practices and a global network of communications professionals, they don't have that anymore. Instead, we are the ones creating nimble networks among one another, which are growing larger and more valuable. We are nimble enough (most of us working out of our homes) and lean enough to charge much less and deliver much more. A network of one-off specialists, experts in their areas, linked through the power of the Web and personal contacts.

Voice to voice, we are changing the face of PR and marketing. You heard it here first.

I'm not sure where BigPR thought most of us would go--the army separated veterans. Because many are owned by fat-cow parent companies, my hunch is that their layers of blubber have made it impossible for them to look that far down the organizational food chain. But a whole bunch of us are out here. And we're starting to eat well. And we're working with the clients we used to work with there.

Clients who are old friends. Clients who are happy to pay our rates and get the same work they got for a hell of a lot less.

Yes, it's really happening.

Even the largest of companies are growing tired of BigPR staffing projects with fresh-out-of-college, inexperienced, lower-level people (that is the only category of PR flacks large agencies can afford to keep only partially billable, you see), yet charging as if they were staffing the project with brain surgeons--or attorneys.

It's common for BigPR to bill out an assistant account executive--which is the administrative assistant of PRville--at $120 to $140 an hour. VP's are billing out at nearly $200 an hour, and SVPs commonly around $250 or more per hour.

You tell me.... Why would anyone pay it in a tight economy when they can get smart, senior level people out on their own for around $100 an hour. And thanks to the Web, the same clients who are paying inflated rates to BigPR can tap into an entire network of loosely joined ex-agency talent that shares leads, news, and really cool gossip I wouldn't even tell you about here. We're self organizing, and it ought to scare the pants off of them.

But it doesn't.

Because they can't afford to see that the emperor is walking around butt naked.

it's okay Hossein

The status for us YACCS comments users: he's working on it. No problem, Hossein. YACCS has been a reliable comment facility for me for two years. I can wait a few days. Hope it all goes smoothly.

Trying

I have just four spare minutes to write. And really, so much, that I'm not sure what to write. I'm trying, you know? I really am. And it is trying. I haven't had five seconds to decompress since the Hospital adventure. For better, I guess, not worse, the work I had basically none of during the past month has all come in at once. And it's hard stuff, not easy stuff.

Jenna's going through some changes. You know? To be expected. She has every right. But the screaming.... Everything at once for her too: start kindergarten, so sick, hospital, needles, daddy home to see her, back to kindergarten, cat gone. All within a week. No wonder she's screaming a lot. She can go from joyous laughter to shrieking in five seconds flat. It's trauma. I know that. And it's also traumatizing.

When will I sleep? Soon I hope. Right now sleep is something I have to have before I can blog more. My mind is muddy, and what little clarity I do have must be savored and saved for Jenna and my paying clients.

So that's it.

Summer winds down and I wonder if things will ever be any different.

Bet you wish I had just stayed quiet.