July 03, 2003

why am i still up?

went to sleep at 10 two days ago. i thtink it was. i was going to sleep after the last post, but i'm still up. i don't know why. too wired to sleep. can't get on the down escalator to sleep--too tired to put my foot out and step on, too scared to step between steps, and then they open up, you know how they do that on an escalator, and my foot's all half on and half off the step, I'm trying to keep my balance, not fall and tumble all the way down, down.

if someone could just pull the red level for a minute while I step on, I'd really appreciate it.

hmmm.

no one here. no one. not even a comment lately. good americanz are out celebrating the holiday early maybe. so where are the bloggers? down down on the escalator. jenna calls them alligators, and I like it so much I don't correct her.

i do that a lot with her.

so many voices out here--are we paying attention to anyone anymore? i don't know. to ourselves. if that's all then that's something. maybe the biggest thing of all.

i knew if I decided to post, to write with my eyes closed, I would find sleep. And it's coming. I feel it. My eyes are closed and there go my fingers tumbling around the keyboard, glorious. what's behind my eyelids this evening? let me see....

shhhh.

there is a couple, she's in a green blouse and he's in a grey polo shirt, I only see his back, an dhe's shouting at her, an dthen I'm in the uniform store where I just bought jenna's uniforms for school next month, yah, we start early down here.

oil barrels, ponies, glue sticks, shopping cart, let them come, the images behind your eyes, nail polish, carrot sticks, cutting board, mailbox, she had blue eyes. Restorration. reverence, thinkking about that one tonight, that one makes sense, but no tthe carrots.... what else? tube socks on ankles, hairy, a boy's, sixteen or seventeen maybe, flashes a smile leans a forearm against a wrought iron fence. A polka-dot dress on a little freckled-face redhead, maybe she's three, four, digging her pinkie into her dimple and smiling.

You can't beat your own movies.

Okay. I'm going down down...
more later.

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