December 30, 2006

Lemur Heads the Z-List

Because Kathy Sierra Tucson is actually an A-Lister posing on Seth's Squidoo z-list, I hearby disqualify her from the Z-List list, which in itself makes little to no sense, because if you make it to the top of the z-list, then you're not really z-list at all. You're maybe Y-List. And in the end, who the fuck cares.

As Frank says about this squidooey thing, Seth does his usual coopting of memes to create 'a thang' which he will later monetize. And I'm happy to see Frank and I and Anne Z challenging the Lemur for the lead.

HA! LEMUR! watch it there you rascal.

In truth, I am officially B List, which means I probably don't belong on the Z-List either, unless you assume there is simply one A list, and everyone else makes up the Z-List. Then I qualify. But Kathy Sierra definitely does not.

Join me in helping Lemur knock the A-Lister off the top, and while you're at it, boost the rest of us remnants up on a list that makes no sense, because once you rank the z-list..... well, I think we've ridden that pony already.

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nothing like an eviction before new years

my friend called yesterday to let me know that some friends of ours in her neighborhood were being evicted. As evictions go, this was one of those in-denial-little-warning kind, where the sheriff shows up with the eviction team and the family shakes and stammers while they try to figure out what to do as they watch their stuff pile up with a thump on their driveway one early afternoon in December.

It's not my business to know how it got so bad--been close enough to bad to know how it can sneak up on you even when you should have been able to see it coming with a blindfold on. Apparently the couple once owned the house, then it got bad, then they quick claimed it, then the new 'owner' sold it, and you know, sometimes bad goes from bad to worse until a twelve-year-old girl shows up on your porch and asks if you know any one with a truck.

We all helped out yesterday, massive box taping and packing--or shoving stuff haphazardly into cartons, more like--in the middle of a suburban driveway in the middle of a middle class++ neighborhood on the Friday before New Year's. The neighbors, their church friends, the eviction team. Everyone except the Sheriff, who I suppose isn't there to help but to enforce. He was there to make sure that the new stove the mom got for her birthday stayed with the house under protest, and the new fridge the couple bought to replace the one that wasn't working stayed with the house, over much insistence otherwise. Le's say: They fought the law and the law won.

What I noticed among the literal rubble was the importance of simple things in an emergency--like a few rolls of packing tape. Like a neighbor's saved boxes from their move-in six months ago. Like a case of bottled water.

The other amazing thing was how fast their church stepped in to help. I don't know the church they attend, but I mean, they mobilized fast, not just with helpers for packing and loading, but with keys to a house, with heat and water and beds and linens, that someone in the congregation was moving out of and selling. By nightfall, we were at that house, hanging the family's clothes in the closets, making a temporary home for five people without one.

Of course, there is always more to the story--like the denial that brings the bottom to us when we most need to hit it but don't want to, like the antidepressants that don't take away the need to feel better as we medicate by whatever means--even spending and hoarding--and like what happens when the walls fall in and we wonder how they got so weak to begin with, like how the middle in America is disintegrating. You could ponder it for hours.

But when someone's kid's Baptism dress is laying in a heap on the driveway in front of you, none of that matters. What matters is assembling collapsed boxes as fast as you can, trying to decide what to shove in them, taping them up and passing them toward the truck. What matters is the bottled water you grabbed on the way over to give to the guys loading the truck. What matters is the quick thinking that gets shelter for a family with no place to go. What matters is friends.

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December 28, 2006

peter piper picked a peck of posts - payperpost acquires performancing

i have been a vocal payperpost supporter, versus the blogerati who trash talk PPP as "payola" (please--you ought to be in the music business and see how payola really works--p.s., watch your knees). Although I haven't gotten into using PPP, I did sign up and do an experimental post and think it's a good idea and a solid tool.

I think the folks behind payperpost, and I don't know them, are smart. I think they're doubly smart today for acquiring performancing. Apparently they are not acquiring the blog editor part of performancing, nor the ad engine, but instead the analytics engine and classifieds exchange.

Now I would think acquiring the blog editor and ad tool would have made sense. But it probably would have been too costly. I don't know. I suspect the devil is where he usually is, in the details.

Neat development.

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Microsoft Is Asking the Mostly Male Bloggers Who Received Free Laptops (loaded with vista) from the PR Gurus at Edelmen GIVE THE LAPTOPS AWAY or send them back when they are done reviewing them.

and to that end, Gentlemen (and Barb), Give-Away Laptops Should Be Sent To:

Jeneane Sessum
4430 Wade Green Road
Suite 180
Kennesaw, Georgia 30144
(please give me a call so I know my pre-reviewed laptop is on the way!)

Think I'm kidding?

Marshall got this email, destined to be a classic in the PR-screwups-in-Blogaria saga. (BTW, in my opinion the giveaway wasn't a bad idea, but very poorly executed. Sending out the following email, however, was really-really stupid):


No good deed goes unpunished, right? You may have seen that other bloggers got review machines as well. Some of that coverage was not factual. As you write your review I just wanted to emphasize that this is a review pc. I strongly recommend you disclose that we sent you this machine for review, and I hope you give your honest opinions. Just to make sure there is no misunderstanding of our intentions I’m going to ask that you either give the pc away or send it back when you no longer need it for product reviews.

Thanks for your understanding, and happy reviewing,

Aaron ***

Oh, Edelman. You silly kids! Next time, won't you consult with the professionals at KHM first?

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If you're here looking for info on President Gerald Ford (who died for real this time)... have learned by now that I don't know anything worth your while. I just wrote a funny press release once. So, you might want to check out funeral information on the late President Ford here, or at CBS News, or at Newsday. Looks like the official mourning and funeral begins Saturday. I'll see you there.

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December 27, 2006

5. Have never used, and will never use, the term "arsy-varsy." -- TomM.

Tom got tagged. And Kia eats fish heads.

...and OMG Kia, but I also threw up all over my aunt-and-uncle's bathroom in 1970. It was after we came back from the Kodak Theater matinee movie one Sunday, where I had gone with my aunt who worked at Kodak and could get us in to free movies on the weekends, and I had eaten Milk Duds at the show, and simultaneously I must have come down with the stomach flu, because I was feeling really queasy when we got back to my aunt's house where I was supposed to spend the night, and this particular Italian couple's remedy for my stomach upset was to have me smell a bowl of minced garlic, after which I barely made it to the upstairs bathroom in time to vomit and have diarrhea all over their shag carpet and commode cover.

a damn small world, I'd say.

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top google searches for my blog today

gerald ford dies
free hamsters

you do the math.

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santa didn't bring any linden dollars. :-(

Do you know that as much as I love my tie-dye t-shirt in second life, if I had some extra linden loot in my stocking, I would have spent it on some of this stuff (body ink most likely)...

Yeah, I know; I ain't right. ;-)

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Gerald Ford Dies, For Real This Time

In 2004 I wrote a press release on Gerald Ford's death that was sort of--errrr--a shot at humor, not completely at Gerald Ford's expense. Since then I've gotten visits daily from folks wondering if Gerald Ford was still alive; in fact thousands have come upon my parody press release searching Gerald Ford Dies. Mostly because I'm the fourth hit on that phrase on Google.

Well, may Gerald Ford rest in peace, because he has now officially died, and I can only wonder what people searching for information about his death think when they read my old release from June of 04.

90-Year-Old Gerald Ford Dies - Nation Says, Tough Doo Doo.


WASHINGTON, D.C., June 13, 2004 -- Gerald Ford, 38th President of the United States, died late Sunday evening at the age of 90 from natural causes. Sources say wife Betty was at President Ford's bedside at the couple's home in Ann Arbor, Mich., when he died, shortly before 11 p.m.

Sources close to the family say that the President, who served from 1974 to 1977, had been recuperating from pneumonia and had insisted on attending President Reagan's memorial services last week with the other living American Presidents. Speculation has arisen that attending the Reagan memorial events may have been too much for the ailing President.

"Now what the hell are we supposed to do?" asked one White House source, referencing the recently-completed period of national mourning for President Reagan. "We just closed the banks, the libraries, shut down the whole government -- people aren't even back to work yet! Are we supposed to do this whole shebang again? What timing. We're at WAR you know."

Customers at Tom's delicatessen in Washington had mixed reactions when told of the news.

"Well, I think if they just get him in the ground quick, we'll remember them both at the same time, and since they're both republicans, that seems pretty fair," suggested Ted Nielsen from nearby Herndon, V.A. "No sense closing down the country one more day for another dead President. Besides, he was clumsy and he didn't look as good as Ronnie. He couldn't act for shit either."

Margie Wilson sees it differently. "CNN's been war-war-war since 9/11," she said. "Me? I like to break up the monotony of war with a good two-week memorial fest, topped off with a romantic hillside burial service. It's the least we can do to honor our dead presidents. And those who've died in the war. And, well, everyone else who's dead too. For goodness sakes, our dead are national heroes. Really, who knows better than the dead what our country needs right now?"

The passing of Presidents Ford and Reagan raises the issue of the aging crop of Presidents: President Carter turns 80 this year, while President George Bush Sr. marked his 80th birthday today by skydiving in front of thousands of onlookers at Texas A&M University. It appears only President Clinton will escape a funeral within the next five to ten years.

"I was sorry to hear about Gerry," President Clinton said. "And Ronnie," President Clinton said again. "And the thing that really blew me away was that Ray Charles died, and you didn't hear jack about that. You know? Here you have dead Presidents, and, now don't get me wrong, I was a President, but you see we're representatives of the people, and we are paid as public servants to do our jobs. And we have done our jobs. President Reagan did his job. President Ford did his job. And I did my job. But NOT ONE of us could blow like Ray Charles. Not one of us had the soul, the hot ache from the pit of the gut like Ray did. Shit. Awe, shit. Ray's the one I'll miss the most."


ok. the net truly is wonderous.

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