December 06, 2003

it might as well snow.

I remember still this time of year up north. Even after nearly a decade in the south, I remember being garageless and a full-time worker and what that meant in December in the morning. HOW DO YOU STAND IT? I couldn't stand it. Not anymore. Up there, we'd set the thermostat at 68 in the winter and feel rather toasty, all things being relative. Down here, I have the thermostat set on 75. I'm freezing. Been sick, but still. It's so cold and grey. It looks like up there but I feel like down here. It's all messed up.

At this point, I think we could use a little snow.

Flipping the Switch

The pain of trauma is finally being understood in this generation, and I believe that the current, new, and emerging understandings of the effects to of chldhood truama are among the most important phenomena of our generation--yes, even more important than blogging.

What is known, or at least what is more widely accepted, about dissociation, for instance, has changed dramatically over the last decade, and even half decade. The more accurately we name it, the more often we tell our stories, the more we can heal ourselves and our families--and our world. This is my greatest hope.

Onto DID, and dissociation. Your helpful description and link for today.

be well, ya'll.

Let us Dance

As you know, I've long lamented never reaching the 7/10 google page rank. I've told you, it bothers me. Well, at least that it bothers me that it bothers me. So today, because I know it won't last long, because I'm erratic in my blogging at best, let us take time to dance a jig for my first ever 7/10 day.

Who's going to take the lead?

December 05, 2003

On a related note--remembering Stephen Mitchell

Here's a good review of Can Love Last, by Stephen Mitchell, who died this month in 2000 after the publication of his landmark book.

...romantic love doesn't die a natural, inevitable death: We kill it.

...more reviews here.

too tired to link to the amazon thingy with my code in it. maybe tomorrow.

cultural mysogeny

watch for a post--as soon as we feel a little better over here. It's not the mysogeny we commonly associate with women hating. It's about the fear and outright distain of vulnerability. It's what too many women are wrapped up in. It's the first way I've seen mysogeny used in a way that holds the mirror up to women as well as men. And I'll get to it. Soon as I can.

I'm going to have to read it.

I won't be able to resist reading Jayson Blair's book. Not sure how much is balogna and how much is prime rib, but the cover looks dandy enough to make me peek inside. When there is an inside, that is.

back to stenciling with Jenna.

carry on.

below the radar

or under the weather here. jenna home with intestinal freeforall. mommy not far behind. tis the season. discuss amongst yourselves.

Fun with headlines...

Is this news? I kind of remember all of it that way.

Evaluating RBs Tools

I just downloaded SnagIt from RB's list of tools over at Mandarin, and WOW is it FUN!

Easy, cheap, and lets you look forward to receiving spam so you can mess with it and transform it into post-modern digi-art!


It was worth waiting for RB to get over the consumption to get the tip on SnagIt.

German Cuisine Anyone?

Holy. Gives new meaning to the phrase: Eat Me.

December 04, 2003

I got caught Misbehaving...

I got a spanking over at today. I didn't think I was being snarky, but I was off topic. But I had to be off topic. Because I wasn't able to comment on topic. Because comments got turned off for the post I wanted to comment on. And, maybe it's news to some other blog tool users, like me, but we with YACCS don't get to trackback or whatever it's called. And, well, I wouldn't think to do it if I could have in this instance.

It all started when I commented on a post by Halley on sexual globalization that was a double post from Halley's site. Halley had turned the comments off for her post over on Misbehaving and I was so disappointed when I got the the bottom of reading the post (again) and (again) couldn't leave a comment that I said something. It's still there as I write this, but you never know. Because it's not in the proper spot, under Halley's post. Because I couldn't leave it there. Because comments were turned off there.

Megnut gave me a talking to. And then deleted my next comment, which said basically what I say in the second paragraph here: that it was a double post and I found it frustrating to get to the end of it in a different (and I was assuming more community-based) forum only to be able to not comment again. Then I left a comment saying, "You actually deleted it--eeeks!" That didin't pass the Misbehaving comment monitors either.

Look, if I'm emailing Halley, it's not to talk about sexual globalization but sexual actualization. She knows this.

And, quite honestly, I didn't want to post about her sexual globalization post over here. I wanted to DISCUSS it in the community misbehaving is fostering over on their site. That's a dialogue.

There's a difference between these two modes of conversation in blogging, between posting-with-link and commenting.

One boosts your technorati rating (posting with link) and implies that that the reader-turned-poster was somehow moved enough to action by someone else's voice that they dedicate a post to talking about it with THEIR readers; the other is a sub-layer discussion among equally interested and present individuals (in comments). They both have their purpose, and I don't think it's genuine or smart to limit that sub-layer discussion in a community-blog setting like misbehaving.

Trolls out themselves. Ban them if you don't like the distraction they offer, but don't cheat the reading community out of the opportunity to discuss a post in a forum more aptly called comments.

That's my 22 cents. Paypal it to me.

WHAT? A MUST READ for Bloggers

Or... Rageboy Tutors The(m)asses

Man oh man. I had to endure two years of phone conversations with this guy to learn how he does what he does.

Now, he's given his secrets away free (kinda) over at Meg's Place.

Damn. I'm sending ya'll a bill.

gary's got it goin' on

Gary's thinking big again. Or, little.

His new Nap-Strat templated business napkins are coming soon to a midtown pub or restaurant near you. Fill-in-the-blank charts and graphs are sure to get your next business luncheon off to a quick start. And you know what that means.... Everyone's favorite:


Just don't get so excited you wipe the marinara off with your next million-dollar idea.


Shelley always makes me think.

Probably innocent enough to create a category honoring women's writing. But Shelley sees more, beneath the surface. As usual, she makes me think twice. Reading Shelley is like experiencing whiplash. But in a good way.

December 03, 2003

And then...

I made a wish list, complete with the women, fire and dangerous things book that Stu recommended. Can't believe they have 69-cent ramen on amazon now. For that hard-to-buy-for brother-in-law.

It only seems fitting....


November was pancreatic cancer awareness month. December was my dad's birthday month. Somehow makes sense to post this link.

I'm getting in touch with this disease for the first time. I've always been afraid to read about it. It is a disease that is largely as lethal today as it was 35 years ago.

Things I didn't know:

The incidence of pancreatic cancer is highest between 60 and 80 years of age, and is only rarely seen in people under 40.

Cigarette smokers are two to three times more likely to develop pancreatic cancer.

The actual cause of this disease is not known, but is thought to be a result of a combination of inherited genetic changes and changes caused by environmental exposures.

A person's risk triples if their mother, father, or siblings have had the disease.

This I knew:

Unfortunately, medical treatment (chemotherapy and radiation) for pancreatic cancer does not result in many cures.

If you were thinking of donating to this blog over the holidays, send a few bucks to PanCan instead in honor of my dad: Alphonse Dimino. And lemme know if you do so I can say thanks.

more later....

December 02, 2003

breaking the rules of fools.

Last night as I tried to fall asleep, I knew it was time to think things over.

My insomnia had to do with something I was pretty upset about.

I was pondering the finer points of grammar, wondering why there are certain rules folks just can't seem get away from.

One of these rules--never ending a sentence with a preposition--is something I just can't get my head around.

That's one rule I've never been behind.

You know?

a good free counter for a web site?

looking for one--pls leave comment with recommendation. or just leave a comment. i'm lonely over here.

loss, losing, lost

...Humpty Dumpty sat on a wall...

I've been thinking a lot about my father this past week. A craving of sorts to go back to the house, the stairs I climbed that day when the earth unfurled on its axis and then put itself back together inside out.

To see his bedroom. To see mine. To see the living room with the picture window where I played the piano with him in the morning before the school bus came.

So much of what I remembered I've forgotten. Need a knock to the side of my head with my hand, refocus my eyes, to know if what I thought I saw was real. Was any of it real?

...Humpty Dumpty had a great fall...

And to go to his grave. It's been years. I think eight, maybe only seven. Who visits now? I haven't seen the plot with 1998 filled in on my grandmother's stone. I remember when all of the tombstones except my father's read: - _____. Now they're all filled in. Room for one more still. I shudder. Wonder who will fill the extra spot. And when.

I remembered today that his birthday is coming up, and his mother's, my grandmother. Hers the 13th and his the 17th? Or is it the 16th?

I want to know if he died alone.

I don't want to pain anyone by asking the question.

Or me by hearing the answer.

...All the king's horses and all the king's men...

I know he went to the hospital a few days before dying. I do know no one told me. I thought he was in his bedroom the whole time. That must have been what they said. Shhhh. Daddy's resting. I knew he was sick. But I thought he was there. He wasn't even there.

If he could have, even through the pain of a fast-killing cancer, he wouldn't have missed these seconds, minutes, years, decades of his children's lives. That's the only thing I know without corroboration. That is a gift he gave me. You are worth it.

oh December.

How must his last birthday have been? To be dead by March, 90 days later, what was that last birthday like for him? Was I there? Did we sing?

Innocence lost.

Either way.

He wasn't here long enough for me to mature, call him Dad instead of Daddy. At five, you have a daddy.

...Couldn't put Humpty together again...

And then, sometimes, you don't.

December 01, 2003

Giving giving giving giving thanks giving.

More on giving. I decided that today's posts would focus on offering ways to help others. With that in mind, check out Network for Good. From helping the victims of the wildfires in California to creating your own wish list that lets others give to your favorite causes, this site is a great one-stop shop for lending a hand.

Today's the Day

It's World AIDS Day. (Thanks to GMT Plus9 for the link.)

Participate in "Link and Think" here.

Bless the good work and wonderful folks at the Community Health Network in Rochester, New York. Co-founded by my cousin, Dr. Bill Valenti, in 1989, CHN provides more than 700 CHN patients with the best HIV/AIDS treatment in Greater Rochester. Dr. Bill is a wonderful, kind, and brilliant human being. High-five for the great work CHN does.

Link and think. It's the least we can do.

Tools to help you sift through what is real

Disinfopedia. Because "powerful business interests dominate government."


PR Watch spin of the day.

Source: Raj KAJ

Help Find Dru

Have you seen Dru? She disappeared from Grand Forks, North Dakota on November 22nd. Her family needs help finding her.

Found the story at Say Anything.

Post Giving Thanks

That last post of mine gave me an idea. All the posts I write today are going to be focused on helping other folks. Watch. Have a cause, leave a comment. For the next 24 hours, allied is all about giving a boost to those in need.

People Like Us

Before you run through the malls and plaza or donate your credit card to Lands End Overstock, consider buying your holiday gifts from people like us--crafty folks trying to make a living doing what they do.

SusanStars has some pretty jewelry and purses.

Craftastic is retro-cool.

And I can think of a couple people I'd like to buy a tampon doll for.

Check out the artisans linked off of I Buy D.I.Y. and bless a nethead this holiday season.

Thanks to Kiki for pointing out the site.

November 30, 2003

junior insomnia

10 minutes go by. I think she's asleep. Hope. Spine relaxes. And then:

"Mom? Do you have more blood than me?"

"Jenna, it's sleep time."

"But do you? Just that one question?"

"I'm not sure how that works. I guess so."

"Is my blood filled up to my neck?"

"It circulates around your body in your veins."


"Go to sleep Jenna."

"I bet Daddy has more blood than you."

"Probably. Good night."

***two minutes of silence elapse***

"Mom, what if we had the same body temperature?"

"We do, Jenna. It's time to sleep though."

"Wow, really? What is it?"

"We can talk about this tomorrow."

"I can't sleep--can you just tell me what our temperature is?"

"98.6, unless we get sick and have a fever. Then it goes up."

"Oh yah. I remember. What about dogs? Are theirs like ours?"

"I don't know. I think they're about 100 degrees."

"WOW!! They're warmer. They have a lot of fur."

"Yes, now Jenna, you're working toward restrictions if you don't just be quiet and rest. Do you want mommy to go lie down in the other room? I can't sleep if you're going to be talking."

"No. I'll stop. Pigs don't have a lot of fur though. Or giraffes. They have short hair. And elephants--they just have hair on their tails and stuff. I wonder what their temperatures are...."

Netflix Rocks

Netflicks is the Webvan of DVDs. And I mean that in a good way.

Webvan, I still miss ye.

this site is kind of a

Before eating Wheat Thins

Turn the box upside down and gently tap on the bottom four times. Then turn upright.

This distributes the salt that has settled on the bottom nicely over the wheat thins.

Don't thank me. All part of the service.

Frank means business

Frank wants to incorporate us. Hell, I'll try anything once. Well almost. At least we could get a group health insurance plan? Maybe?

Doc and Shelley are Dizzy

Sounds like Doc's got that nasty flu. Feel better Doc. Just so you know, you blog great while delerious.

Meanwhile Shelley had vertigo but took really good photos and wrote straight and winding prose in spite of it.

Burning Down the House

George does the laundy around here when he's in town. I've never been good at it (hint for all married women--screw up his underwear a few times and he'll bump you to the side in the laundry department). I'm not patient enough to do good laundry. I think grey is a nice color. I don't care if blues aren't bright and white's aren't blinding. So I tend to separate into threes: Whites, Darks, Lights. If it dosn't fit one of those, it goes into to its closest cousin's load.

George on the other hand sorts by hues. Blues/greens, red/pinks, yellows/beiges. The lint in the dryer looks like a single crayola crayon when he's done. Not like my lint. My lint is generally grey.

So today I decided to wash a few throw rugs he's had downstairs forever. I figured he didn't know what hue was best, plus rugs are dirty, so he was probably waiting to wash them all by themselves.

So I washed them.

That wen't well.

Then I put them in the dryer.

That didn't go so well.

I was drying my hair after taking a shower, the laundry humming along downstairs, Jenna painting in the living room. I thought my hair dryer might be on the fritz--smelled kind of like burning hair, then burning cloth. Oh well. I turned it off and sprayed some leave-in conditioner on, got dressed, and went down to check on Jenna. I noticed the burning smell getting worse. Oh shit.

Down the basement steps I flew into the laundry room. No smoke but DEFINITELY a baaaad smell. Opened it up. The lint tray was overflowing. The dryer seemed no worse for the wear.

So I shook the rugs out and brought them upstairs. Checked the dryer over well. I got there in time. No harm done. Except my pride. And except for one throw rug that shrunk from 4'x2' to 2'x1'. It resembles a dish towel now. I bet if it had a tag, it would say Line Dry or something.

So that's why he never washed that rug.


DVD city

Not having cable the past year has been great. You don't get great reception without cable, so we've only had a few channels to choose from, thankfully PBS comes in great. We've spared Jenna from the soft teen porn and shoot-em-ups (since we don't watch the news). Now add a DVD and we get to watch just what we want! This weekend it's been Jimmy Neutron, Care Bears, Agent Cody Banks, Sand Lot, and Andy Griffith.

Yah baby!

Elaine's been watching movies too...

Okay, ten minutes til Jenna's bedtime--let's see how many posts I can get in.

Halley wins the first anual holiday blogging award for posting through a holiday weekend when no one else is around. I enjoyed following Halley and Jackson around New England and through the streets of Boston dragging their tree home.