July 11, 2004
Next time I want an easier habit to kick
The "oops i smoked" dreams have begun. Those are the dreams I will now have for the next number of years, with me, in all sorts of situations, somehow forgetting that I've quit and lighting up, only to startle awake (later on they don't wake me up--just jiggle my sleep) realizing that it was all only a dream.
The ooops I smoked dreams, oddly, are now intersecting with my other only recurring dream, which is that I get back to Jamaica for vacation but somehow run out of time or forget to ever actually get into the sea. That is also a very disturbing dream. The ooops I smoked dream now joins the ooops I forgot to get into the sea dream to ruin my rest. What's that about?
Without cigarettes so far I feel:
did I say lost?
I don't remember it taking this long to start to feel some good about quitting in the past.
I wonder about six times a day what I'm doing.
I guess that's better than the 26 times I wondered a few days ago.