July 15, 2004

Taking Requests.

More pig news

Two days ago George was in a wrinkle as he watched the goings on out the kitchen window. The Stupid Boxer from the pig people's yard has been back in our yard a few times since last we addressed the pig topic here on Allied. This makes George crazy. Because Stupid Boxer comes up onto our deck and barks at us, rather mindlessly but meanly, as we look out wondering why the hell Stupid Boxer is doing what it's doing.

Our dogs now completely ignore Stupid Boxer. If you're a dog owner, you can attest to how unusual it is that two dogs -- one who likes to play with other dogs Very Much -- would ignore a visiting dog, especially if the visiting dog is stupid enough to bark at them endlessly.

Anyway, George hates Stupid Boxer and has come to feel a genuine fondness for Pig.

This made for an extra dose of angst the other day when George watched through the window as Stupid Boxer (in her own yard) barked and jumped (as boxers do) endlessly at Pig in the 90 degree heat. Not only that, but the other two black labs (the only two animals I THOUGHT lived behind us) joined Stupid Boxer in what became a Dog Mob scene, a barn yard bullying festival, which continued for a good 15 minutes. Barking, circling Pig, leaping at Pig, more barking.

Poor Pig would turn to the side when Stupid Boxer would leap at him. The thing about boxers is they can jump and jab really quickly and I think the thing about pigs is, once they weigh 600 pounds, they don't move so fast.

Back to George. Trauma issues surfaced as he watched the bullying, no doubt recalling his school years in Upstate New York. He was livid that these neighbors were letting Pig get assaulted. He decided he would kill the Boxer, which would solve the problem.

I urged him not to kill the Boxer because it could elicit attention from The Authorities.

He thought about that.

He decided that the next time Stupid Boxer was in Our Yard barking at Us, then he could simply toss Stupid Boxer back over the fence. Not hurt or kill it. Merely hurl it.

I urged him not to toss the Boxer over the fence because, judging from her temperament, she might bite him. And he has a particularly important role in Tony Award Winning Director Kenny Leon's new musical, playing at the Alliance Theater this month, called Tambourines to Glory, which demands that he NOT be bitten on any existing Arm or Hand--Especially not on Any Fingers, especially since he's on stage for the next two weeks, and on payroll.

He thought about that.

He decided to have some coffee.

I called Animal Control for our county. I wanted to report a Pig Attack. It was Saturday. They were closed. They had a number for the non-emergency Police on the recorded message.

I thought calling the Police might be a bad idea, especially since, when I looked back out, all animals had retreated to their comfort zones: Pig in Dog House, Two Black Labs on Deck, and Stupid Boxer with her head through a hole in the fence, barking at Our Dogs.