June 29, 2005

Give Me My Name Back.

Halley's got an interesting post at misbehaving on maiden names and who gets what name in a divorce, and who can call herself what, and what an ex-husband should and shouldn't be able to ask his ex-wife to do in terms of his last name.

As evidence of the complicated times in which we live, check out the comments, and see if you can follow the bouncing ball on marriages, remarriages, taking names, not taking names, and oh yes, kids.

I added my two cents in comments about being both a wife with her husband's domain name, and a kid growing up with a mom whose last name was different from mine.

But the issue Halley presented was really about a guy friend who had gotten divorced and was thinking about asking his ex to take her maiden name back rather than keeping his.

I actually know a couple where the husband asked for this in the divorce decree. Guys, it's something to think about. If you don't have kids, and you want your name back, put it in writing because some folks will tell you it's a control issue for you to want your divorce to be complete, in name and all.

I don't think so. I think you're right to want your name back. I think most women who take their husband's names, who have no children with the man and end up in divorce court, ought to not fight the guy if he asks for his name back. It's like a family hierloom from his side of the family. If it was his when he entered into the marriage, and there are no children who could beneft from his great-great grandpa's pocket watch, YOU GIVE THE THING BACK.

I think if you have kids, you do your children a disservice by asking their mom to become the person in name she was before she had them. No no don't do that. It fucks with kids' minds.

But if you don't have kids, tell her you want your name back. Or better yet, put it in the divorce agreement because her girlfriends are going to tell her to hang on to it, along with that pocket watch from your great-great-grandfather.