July 18, 2005

Love Notes to my Google Referrers...

How badly is your tooth chipped? You can probably get it fixed for about $150. Don't freak out.

I don't know when school starts, but I wish I did!

You know what? I'm not sure that anyone won the showdown between Vinnie Colaiuta, Steve Gadd, and Dave Weckl -- except for us fans who get to watch it forever because it was digitized. We won.

I can't believe you didn't know YAHOO stood for You Always Have Other Options! I'm glad I could help, but I can't believe I'm number 1 result on Google over such a funny little thing. But you know something--I really don't believe we really do always have other options. I hate to be a pessimist, but I think I might believe these are the only options I have. But you? YOU HAVE OPTIONS Girlfriend/Boyfriend. The sky is wide open to your potential.

As far as the Arkansas Bees go, I would just get a good can of Wasp spray at the dollar store, maybe Big Lots. Look, you can go to Lowes and get the expensive kind, but then you won't have the money to pay the Lowes card, and they start calling all the way from India to tell you that your attidude isn't helping. TRUST ME. Stick with the Dollar Store. Arkansas Bees aren't any worse than any other bees. (Oh Geez, Myrtle, did you mean Africanized Bees? You searched on Arkansas Bees--their is a difference. Never trust a dark bee. They'll mug you in the elevator.)

The DiGiorno Pizza cooking directions are on the back of the box. You use my post, you're gonna do it RageBoy's way and cook the cardboard. You do NOT want to go there. Just do what the box says.

Don't get me started about Earthlink Live Chat support. The first two times I tried it honey, It was m-e-s-s-e-d u-p. Okay? But now, I think they've worked the kinks out. I really would give it another chance. I think there's a new rule that they can't get offline with you until you answer with just the right string of characters. Don't try fuck you--they don't respond to it. It's like yelling into a black hole.

Whoever is making Halushki, you better invite me over. And I mean it. I don't care where you're cooking it, you either freeze some and send it to me or you invite my ass over with the most greatful set of molars and tastebuds you've ever seen. Now make sure you get the fried cabbage just a little bit brown--cook it long enough--because when some of those slivery pieces of cabbage get brown, the sugar in the cabbage carmelizes. HELLO! Czech Heaven.

When it comes to bronchitis pleghm, you are looking at the woman who can tell you more than you wanted to know: Taste, Color, Texture--you name it. Now, you probably didn't want these details when you first came here, but if it's green or brown tinged (maybe blood) get some antibiotics, a steroid shot in you ass, a take home Medrol Dose Pack and call in sick tomorrow. (Give me a shout on my cell when you go through the steroid shakes. I'll talk you down: 678-294-0900)

Ketchum? Just don't go there.

And last of all, stop worrying about getting a bigger one and start loving the one God gave you.