October 11, 2005

The State of the Knee Address

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Who the fuck am I trying to fool, spending unavailable $ on an expensive bike thinking I'll jump on and ride on up the umpty-ump-teen hills around our house and get in shape--just watch me. Day one. Day number one I'm like--damn this seat seems low well that's weird, so now I think, after researching how you're supposed to ride a bike -- stupid me thought I remembered from when I was 12 -- that I don't know how to ride a bike, especially not with 24 speeds, especially not up hill, especially not when the lady left the seat down at it's lowest setting after she had it on that machine and that's how I rode it and tore up my knee going uphill.

All that, and will the check even clear?

These are the things I do that make me crazy. George, he KEEPs asking me if I stretched, and I suppose people know what stretching is, but I keep telling him, isn't riding a bike stretching? And here he is, Mr. Stretch, and Mr. Filter, telling me, no. You're over 40 and you're beat like us and out of shape--you stretch.

I'm thinking, stretching is a lot like exercise, so one or the other has to go, which is why even though I love my new too-expensive bike that I can't afford, maybe I should stretch every day for free, and forget the exercise part, and my knee wouldn't look like a watermellon. Plus it's a lot cheaper. And I'd have time to take up smoking again. Which, as you know, I do miss so.

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