I want to tell you some things, the first thing is that I love smoking and I love to smoke and it's legal and I don't think there's a thing wrong with smoking as long as you quit between 50 and 60 and as long as you're not my kid. That's just how I see it and I think it comes down to genes and also what The Man puts in cigarettes today because my grandpa smoked until he was 76 and he started at like 7 and he never even coughed. Same with all my Italian relatives and now a days you have to buy good cigarettes like American Spirit brand in order to avoid inhaling sugar and insecticide although since Reynolds bought my beautiful brand (i think that's who bought them) i am not sure i know who to trust. but i did trust them in that i love them with my very being I would wrap myself around an American spirit this instant if I could, and i would inhale so deep I'd disappear. All my thoughts and worries and complex problems and ideas would adhere to the plumes and make perfect sense.
Smoking did you know they say that i used to use you to push anger down? i don't know what the fuck they're supposed to be talking about because i'm not fucking mad at any fucking one except when they say that about you. I stick up for you all the time because you were my buddy, smoking, and when everyone else gave me grief, you sat there in your cellophane and paper not giving me one ounce of trouble. sure, yes, well blah blah senate commission.
I saw a thing yesterday at the store that takes tar out of cigarettes before you inhale them and i know that they're not too far away from coming out with that safe-smoke cigarette and do you know what smoking? when they do i am so there. I am right there. I am in line overnight for the concert of my dreams.
did you know i fell in love with you at 11? I stole for you. Every day. You know that right? I bet not many kids did that for you or know you like I did.
Anyway, I have to go now but i wanted you to know that no matter what you're always a part of how i think and feel, even when you're not around. as soon as you clean yourself up you come back and see me and we'll talk about how we can maybe get together again. because sometimes my head just won't clear out no matter how hard a shake it, and i get that messy cloudy feeling or i start just bawling for no reason or i get pissed enough to break shit, and smoking i know you're the one who can talk me out of those places.
in the mean time, you try not to hurt anybody now and I'll see you pretty soon.
November 16, 2005
Posted by Jeneane Sessum at 4:03 PM