life pushes itself to return to normalcy, in between bouts of still-too-upset-to-come-here, the somewhat-old-me, and the me who doesn't get to ever be the same.
i've got meetings today and that is good. put on the business head, move through the world in something remotely like a regular cadence. but it's not. the after effects linger--i thought avril was the cruelest month? hoping it doesn't beat march.
i've been working hard on trying for peace, putting bookends around what i can change, who i can help, what i can't do, why it matters, what it looks like, what it means for me and my family and my health and my sanity. playing over what it would look like from this angle and that. telling myself, be still.
sometimes i fall down. othertimes i stand. walk forward. something i hear inside of my head sounds remotely familiar, and I say -- THERE i am!! other times i wander, swept up, an eye here, and ear there, is the day done yet?
Today will perhaps bring nothing special. And i will be so thankful for it.