October 14, 2012

digital breadcrumbs for michael o'connor clarke

I've been thinking about you all day, Michael all day.

I even went to mass because I felt, well, if it could add in any tiny way to the comfort being sent to Leona from all parts of the globe, then I should do it.

Michael, I went for you too. You see, you would be one of the few who could get me in the doors. Can you see me? Standing outside, wondering, having never been to this church, hardly to any church in recent memory, would the side doors lead me awkwardly into the midst of communion lines? Then what would I do? Stick out my hand and say "Amen"? Michael sent me?

It took me a minute to make my way in. Would I remember the responses? Did you know some of them have CHANGED? Yes, for real. They don't say "It is right to give Him thanks and praise" anymore - at least not at this church; they say something else, I think, "It is right and just"?

Today I didn't feel like it was right or just. I felt like nothing made sense.

But in that not-making-sense-ness, I felt you poking my shoulder, poke poke, as I stood in the back. You  tried to get me to laugh. I couldn't help it. I did smile.

I didn't make it to the end, but I did stay through the part where all 200 of us prayed for those family and friends who had died. And so I prayed for you. And I stayed for the "peace be with you" part, and shook some people's hands for you and Leona.

If only you would have stopped nudging me so I could have stopped giggling.

me and my blog brother:

remembering michael o'connor clarke

some of my favs from michael...

I hope that Michael's  blogs are preserved - so many great ideas, so much he contributed.


fpaynter said...

We went to church this morning too. First time in a long time. Our Quaker meeting had gotten too christocentric and woo-woo metaphysical. The Unitarians we joined in worship today were just right. They had a "Joys and Sorrows" part of the service and I held Michael and his family in my heart and I knew that was why we'd chosen today of all days to visit for the first time.

Tom Matrullo said...

The world felt something like a church today. No, I didn't feel an urge to go to a formal one, but in everything there was a sense of the felt loss, the sense of gladness at having known, even a little, MOCC and his family.

And grateful to you jeneane for finding the original sprogs where it was, but where it wasn't the last time I'd looked, which was a while ago. It's back, mirabile dictu:


And I'd not even thought to look, but just went to Wayback, which had far less than what's all strangely still there.


Jeneane Sessum said...

Well, I know he would be glad we were writing something here - speaking for me, a duty I have mostly abandoned. But I see you here Frank and Tom - somehow the class of 2001-2002 still connected, still writing, here and there, and when not writing, at least reading, at least sometimes. We have to keep at it. If for no other reason than not keeping at it seems kind of selfish all things considered.

love you guys.

Connie Crosby said...

Funny, Jeneane, but I contemplated going to church also for the first time in many years. Instead I blogged since I hadn't done that either for a long while.

Thank you for sharing your thoughts.