December 01, 2001

cry for help

Back from vacation, I'm stumped. I thought I was over it. But the blog tugs at my pant leg. Comeon, baby, blog some more. say something else. let go. it feels so good. Meanwhile, where'd my husband go? Did my daughter just unbolt the front door and head out? Wait--just let me finish this one thought; I'll be right there... and I'll get right to those bills, those dishes, those phone calls, those assignments.... just one more thought... just one more...

Like a trip to Betty Ford, my week-long sans-Internet Florida vacation taught me something. I am one-hundred percent addicted to blogging. I got it bad. And I'm not so sure I want to stop. But I'm pretty sure I need to get a grip.

You see, I got the shakes about an hour out of town. Some little DSL demon on my shoulder, looking back through the rearview mirror, wondering when he'd get his next fix. Whispering in my ear, poking at me--"We should go back. You coulda grabbed the laptop. What the fuck--we're gonna miss a lot. They'll never remember you. You gotta find a connection down there. We can't go a whole week."

Six hours of driving with a four year old, and I'm through detox. Between the road, the games, the pit-stops, next thing you know, it's a brand new day. A week at the spa--ocean breezes, good chow, swiming pools, fresh seafood. THIS is living. No news. No blogs. Who cares? Don't need 'em. I'm a new man. (well, woman). I love my husband and sweet baby girl. I'm so glad to be hanging out here with them, pure family devotion. Nothing else. Walking the pier, fishing (did someone say fishrush? noooo man. I don't fishrush no more).

That online world, the one that got me so high, is far behind. And, like I thought I'd never be, I'm glad. So glad I kicked that habit. I've been such a shitty mom lately. Not much better of a wife. Tied to the laptop. What have I been thinking? I'm so glad I'm over it. When I get back, It's billable hours only, get that paycheck, and forget the rest. RGE's in good hands. Locke's got Gonzo under control. He doesn't need me, for sure. No one really needs me out there. Wshew! What a load off my shoulders.

Glad.

Don't need it.

It's gone.

I'm free.

High-five to my higher power; I'm cured.

And now I'm back home.

In total relapse mode. On this laptop all weekend, I'm right back in it, man, and it tastes good, smells good, feels good, and my senses are so keen, and my brain is on fire, and I'm blogified like never before. Gimme more. I need more. Where is everyone? Shit, RageBoy hasn't had a post since Friday. Doc's on his strict blogging regimin (what is it, two hours a day?). Steve left off with that St. Andrew's day thing. And I already talked about Mike Sanders why we blog question over on RGE.

So where's the shit? I NEED some more SHIT! Where did my connections go?

please guys, just one more time.

i need it bad.

a reverse auction, priceline-style, takes shape offline at Ohio gas pumps. How many goobers do you think drove 100 miles to fill up at ten cents a gallon?

November 30, 2001

not again

turned
inside out by what
went down
that day
that way

leaving what
I thought I had
behind
getting
what I never wanted

and again
it doesn't seem real
and again
it feels sharp
jagged

so here we are
too close
to where it began
and I feel my nails
dig in
to tender flesh

don't make me
don't break me

fury is a storm
that moves in quckly
explodes
then eases out

no time
to find cover
no time
to brace
for change

it's too easy
to come undone.

away

apart
something in me churns
as waves draw nearer
then repel.

at once I am separate
alone
struck suddenly
by the expanding sky
and the swell of the sea
more chocolate
than blue.

It is night
and nothing
is with me
but darkness
and unrelenting wind.

And I am surprised
by how much
I like it.

and then there were two

On the passing of the wisest Beatle, Doc Searls, the wisest blogger, remembers. Doc's review of George Harrison's philosophy bears repeating here:

THE BEARER OF THIS PASSPORT HAS TAKEN THE FOLLOWING PLEDGE:
I shall love all.
I wholeheartedly pledge to respect anyone's religion, nationality, faith, culture, language, etc...
Never shall I cross a border to conquer or impose an ideology.
In no way will I take part or interfere in government politics, but will assist in every way possible to bring about better understanding without creating any conflict.

— George Harrison, 1943-2001 (from All Things Must Pass)

IMAGINE if we all lived our lives this way.

What are others saying about Harrison's passing? Daypop tells us.