December 04, 2008

Ok it's time to say something

First of all, I have glasses. I'm 46 years old and these are my first real glasses--the kind you wear all the time, the progressive lens type for people who can't see close or far away.

My initial reactions:
  • Trees have leaves.
  • There are too many words hanging up in the world.
  • I am short.
  • My feet don't walk right.
  • I need to wax my upper lip and pluck my eyebrows. Like right away.
  • Time for some makeup.

It reminds me of Halley's old snowglobe posts...
... they got me in and out of there fast as can be and in LESS than an hour and my glasses are a god send. I slipped them on and hell, it was like being high on dope with Oreos, with your best high school buddies and candles -- I am seeing things so much more clearly, I was amazed. I say to the glasses guys, "Whoa! I can really see with these things!" The manager says, "That's the idea!"

So I leave the mall, feeling so cool that I can see things -- like I can see my car in the parking lot, even before I attempt to open three other wrong Burgundy Camry's and before I have to bend down and braille-read the license plate. I'm just teasing, I'm not that bad. Well, almost.

I feel some sort of apology is in order - for my clients and myself. Blaming my fuzziness on menopause may have been inaccurate. I now realize I was fuzz-sighted. That's not near sighted or far sighted. That's when everything is blurred around the edges.

Now I look like a dork, but I have these lenses that make me feel like a kid, complete with feeling shorter. I wonder if that's my brain reconfiguring my perspective back to the last time I could see this well.

It's all very very very odd.