May 24, 2008


Here's the thing:

God love the interwebs because what 8 years ago now or 7 anyway I ran into Halley online and years tick by and never mind all the things that have transpired in our lives in the meanwhile, I've lost count, but I was talking to her a few weeks ago and somehow I mentioned that I thought something was amiss with me. Confusion has been the number one symptom of the last month or so, or really having no brain at all; complete and utter confusion with daily tasks; I mean multiple times each day walking into rooms only to feel a jolt of electric in my temples when I try to remember WHY oh why I had left the room I was in before. Telling my daughter and husband the same thing over and over without recall. "YOU JUST SAID THAT MOM!"

Yeah that stuff happens to everyone.

But it doesn't happen to me.

Not six times in one day!!!

Until now.

And so I'm telling Halley maybe I have a brain tumor or need to find a new breed of psychotropic medication or something, and she does that Halley thing with that laugh: "OH DUH HELLO! It's Menopause. Have you NOT READ about it?"

I was like, Menopaaaaa.....?

Like a ton of brick the truth hits you.

And so I read about the forgetfulness and confusion and women showing up at their doctor's offices at my age wondering about dementia and brain tumors.

And I even cried, because I am telling you ladies who are working for a living - working for yourselves for a living using your BRAIN to work for a living -- and you're all 'OOO this conference and that conference and OOOO i think i'll work on my book now.. and Oooo what a great post..." GET THE FUCK READY FOR Menopause - it's gonna bite your ass but good.

Holy disruption to the central mental circuitry.

Now I get why women used to have kids early and not work out of the home -- by the time they'd get to menopause their kids would be out of the house and their husbands half deaf: time for a nap.

SO I've just started reading up on it, and apparently the early menopausal symptoms are the ones that completely mess with your brain and electric circuitry, so I guess that's what I'm in.

It's hard for me to tell because the OBGYN surgeries I've had have taken away any semblence of a cycle. But I'm turning 46, I ache, I have no brain, I sleep weird - like mostly not at night - I have to run after words that used to sit on the tip of my tongue, and I cry when I read books, and yell when I don't read books.

I forgot what I was going to do next, but I'm pretty sure if I go walk into a room something will come to me.

Look forward to more of my menopausal meanderings - oh I'm sure you already are - right here on allied.

Whoever you are.