July 21, 2002

grocery shopping for dummies

Make a list that goes something like this:
bread, meat, eggs, toilet paper, lettuce, salad dressing, chicken breast, microwave popcorn, coffee, cream, soda.
Think about going to the grocery store
Find anything else to do instead
Stop blogging
Get off the fucking couch
Get car keys and purse
Walk down the steps
Get into the car
Start the car
Park in fire lane
Get out of the car and lock it
Remember you left the list at home
Say, oh fuck
Grab cart and start down the isles
Get stuck behind some lady checking the many sizes of pampers
Load cart with 1 bag of Doritos, six frozen dinners, three frozen pizzas, microwave egplant parmesean, 1/2 gallon chocolate chip ice cream, whipped cream, hot fudge, salted peanuts.
Grab a bottled water and drink it while looking for your checkbook
Toss the bottle in the garbage before checking out
Pay $44.23
Load healthfood into the car
Drive home
Carry all the bags upstairs at once
Cook til al dante and serve


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