I was okay with this chapter--admiring the process--really, one I experienced, though differently, until it got to the part where the mother shared with her young daughter, right after the child's father's death, that she would look for a new husband and a new daddy for the child. She shared with her the "dating" process. What's up with that?
I think of how I would have felt if my mother said that to me. You know? Your daddy dies and I'll find another one. Men -- fathers/husbands -- are replacable. Is it my stunted emotional growth that makes me cringe at this? My mother remained single for six years. Didn't date much initially. Certainly didn't tell me about it. Some mothers never remarry. Fine if they do, but is this something you share with the child before you know as a woman in which direction you're going? I don't know.
I also didn't dig the stressed finality of the child's father's death. No, he's not coming home, but is he with us? This mother makes it pretty clear that no, he's not. I wouldn't say that to my child. I'd say he's in me and he's in you and he's all around us. But not like before. When I heard the "he's in heaven" angle at six, I didn't buy it. It didn't mean anything to my daily existence. But to say he's gone, he's in a box in the ground and he's not coming back, wow. Process that one, will you?
This definitely resounded with me - becoming allergic to loss - can I take sudafed for this? "Children who experience early loss may overreact to future losses much like the body responds to an allergen. The strength of the reaction is probably influenced by a child's temperament, previous life experiences, and the quality of the surviving parent's support."
Anyway, it's interesting reading, even if I don't agree with all the approaches or conclusions.
I wonder if there's been a book done in the words of both young children and grown children who've lost parents? That's a project I'd enjoy. Jonathon, you in?
