I picked up Jenna after school and decided to stop by McDonalds to use some coupons I'd been saving up. One was a "free sandwhich" card--a card I got because the skilled technicians at the drive-thru window didn't deliver the breakfast goods in 30 seconds or less--and two coupons were from my Atlanta Entertainment book.
Generally, I'm not a coupon kind of gal. I should be. But I'm not. So I was pretty proud of myself for scoring a dinner for three for under $7.00 with these coupon things.
I pulled up to the "shout your order" menu board and told my story, that I'd like two Big Macs, but I had a buy-one-get-one-free coupon, so charge me for one BigMac.
Grasp of English on the other end of the two-way speaker was not great. But so far so good.
Then I asked for a Fish sandwhich for Jenna (her favorite) and said I had a card to get that free (the 30 seconds or less card).
"Oh, only one coupon. Only one per visit," returns the voice.
"I figured as much. I'll pull around and drive through again then."
It was an annoyance to pay, get the BigMacs, and pull around again, but rules are rules.
So I wait my turn, get back up to the "shout your order" board, and say, "It's me again. Can I get the free fish sandwhich? I have a card for that."
"Okay, drive up."
Trip two done. I'm a little annoyed but understand that I was asking a lot of them--that I'd never get them to understand why it didn't make sense that they couldn't hand me the fish sandwhich for the 30 seconds I wasted last time. In essense, I just lost my 30 seconds all over again. hmmm.
Oh well, at least I got the free fish.
Now, one more. The buy-one-get-one McFlurries that Jenna's been clamoring for in the back seat since we pulled into the drive through 15 minutes prior.
Around we go again to wait our turn.
Up to the order board finally. Now I'm feeling stupid, but oh so thrifty. Dinner and desert for next to nothing.
"Hello. I have a buy-one-get-one-free coupon for McFlurries. Can I have one M&M and one Oreo?"
"Drive up." The formalities are long gone.
I pull up to my now-familiar order/money taker and hold out my final coupon. "This is it. Thank you."
She takes it and disappears into the back, or the freezer, I couldn't tell which. I figured she had to visit some kind of freezer to get our McFlurries. I was wrong.
She walks back to the window and hands me my coupon back.
"You have to wait two hours to get these."
"Um... Two hours?"
"Uh huh. Two hours until you can use," she says pointing to the coupon.
My first thought was: Two hours before I can eat again--what, am I swimming home?
My second thought was, are you worried that my arteries need those extra 120 minutes to soften before I put more of your crap food down my cake hole?
My third thought was, WHAT?
So I say, "What?"
She shrugs her sweet South American shoulders.
Now understand something. There are three McDonalds between our house and Jenna's school. This is not po-dunk North Dakota (apologies, ND bloggers). This is the metro area, where McDonalds sprout from the clay about every 15 feet.
I point down the road--the next nearest golden arches are almost visible. "Well, I guess I'll go to that McDonalds and use the coupon."
She looks at me with a worried expression, glancing down the road toward the other McDonalds.
Again with the shoulder shrug, she says: "That might work."
That might work.
That might work.
Yes, I would think that might work. You stupid idiot. I didn't hate you, but now I do. Now I think your boss is back there snapping a picture of my license plate to zap over to the fucking data warehouse at McDonalds corporate, where McDonalds #2 is immediately alerted that a blue minivan is on the way, looking for McFlurries without waiting two hours.
Yes. That might be happening.
If trailers could fly.
Instead I say, "I think that will work."
And I drive off with Jenna crying for her McFlurry, and me explaining that we have to take a fourth trip through the drive thru tonight because mommy is saving money and McDonalds is stupid, and she tells me stupid isn't a nice word, and I say yes, but that wasn't nice to make us go through the drive thru four times because we had coupons. Then I agree not to call the lady stupid anymore.
Up the road, at the next McDonalds, sure enough, it does work. They didn't know me or my mini-van. They didn't know about the two-hour rule. The nice kid at the window handed me two McFlurries, charged me $2.00 and a few cents, and even gave me napkins. He looked happy to see the coupon.
And all the way home, I'm thinking, McWTF?
