terrible waking
settling gray clouds on my eye lids
still asleep
the nightmare
is the mind stirring.
god don't let morning come heavy
come poison come furious with
terror to bully me
toward daylight
morning panic
is always the worst.
what's wrong
is impossible to name,
wonder how to
full-stop, start again
without dread clawing
at my stomach
with loss wrapped
in soiled scratchy paper towels
I use after the bile comes.
amazing that I could hide it
so long,
cloak agony
in good works, shy smiles
at odds with
my own mask
the one you made
me wear.
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