October 10, 2006

On Target Epic

If you don't go read Tom's trilogy-worthy SuperTarget post, you're crazy. Ever been? Oh yeah. I lost my superstore hymen on Babies R' Us when Jenna was in the womb back in 1997. I had to sit down shortly after entering, suck a paper bag, and ask George to please take me home and never bring me back. Tom's Super Targshzzzzay adventure lasts a little longer than that. But it's worth the ride....

Time passed. I gave no further thought to my surgery. We began to develop a sense of the scope of the enterprise as, over the following days, we came upon small enclaves of human beings who had given up the idea of ever leaving SuperTarget. Loosely joined small groups watched ball, listened to Ipods, or gave birth. No one seemed upset, really. When asked, they offered vague, unfocused ideas about where they were from, or how long they’d been in SuperTarget. One man told us he’d found out that this store alone employed more Team Members than are employed by the governments of the states it traversed. Officials in Georgia, Tennessee and West Virginia had motions before their legislatures which would declare those states to be departments within SuperTarget. If passed, all public activity would cease, and citizens who were unwilling or unqualified to be Guests or Team Members would either have to relocate to another state, or be barcoded to be put on Clearance.

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