back to relationshipping for a minute, or relationtrips, because they are a trip, right?
tripp-fucking-y.
Elaine had a really good comment (that's now gone because of my disappearing/reappearing previous post) that said some stuff about the power of coming to a relationship already formed, complete, good with yourself, individually together BEFORE you delve into the long-term relationship, not struggling to get there after you've made the commitment. But I think you can't do that, or at least mostly you can't. I think it takes relationships to make you relate. I shouldn't use "you." Or should I? Are we relating? I guess I should use we.
Maybe folks who wait until they're 30 or 40 to get serious about a relationship do bring their more fully-formed individual selves into their eventual relationship. But don't they bring extra baggage too? Because how did they get fully formed? Not by sitting on a rock alone shouting into the wind? By relating, no? I think.
Does it take that kind of thing--that individuality of being completely alone by and with yourself for some I-don't-know-how-long length of time before you become that complete/solid individual who can better fulfill his or her end of a relationship? And if so, where do you run into another individual just like you? Someone who's also been sitting alone on their rock getting good with themselves before they get good with you? Like, how would you two ever run into one another? Because you wouldn't want to waste your solid self on someone who hasn't been doing their own deep interpersonal work--otherwise, aren't you doomed to a failed relationship?
Fascinating to me. Really. Because I'm pretty sure I just don't get it. It's like some mystery novel for me with the back half of the book torn off.
I say that we say this: I fucking love you, that's first, then second, I love us, what we are together, and yes of course, third--this is where last but certainly not least comes from--I love me because if I didn't love me, how could I love you? or Us? And if I happen to not love all of me, then show me how you do. And I'll do that for you too. Look, you love me. That's amazing. What do you feel like inside, now, this minute, no, do you see me? look at me. see my eyes. know them? you do know them. And they love you. It's more than my "self" that loves you--bigger than that. It's my skin on yours, my eyes shining out from yours, my finger tips on your cheek that love you. It's your brain on my funny bone. It's my head tucked under your chin.
It's the wierd places of me that I wouldn't know I had unless they were bouncing off of you.
