August 25, 2006

the school bird flu

School started for us Cobb County residents on August 14th, approximately 10 days back. Two days ago--a mere week after stepping through the hallowed doors of her elementary school -- Jenna caught some variation of the bird+flu+sinusitis+tonsillitis+plague+bronchitis+mad+cow+disease. In other words, it's a motherfucker. And that's no pun, as I now seem to have been contaminated with the H3193 virus, which I hear can last up to seven years, three months.

Home schoolers, have I told you enough on this blog how much I heart you? How brave and smart I think you are? How I yearn for your guts, your courage, and your tenacity? How if only I didn't have to spin yarns for clients by day and night, and if I had more than one child who desperately demands socialization--I too would home school, not because of my philosophy or religion, but for the reason that makes the most sense to me: GERMS.

I have entered that germ-yard that is my child's school on five occasions in the last two weeks: sneak a peek, meet and greet, drop off bean bag chair for class, pick up sick kid, walk sick kid back to class after doctor.

Each time, I have been completely coated with my own child's saliva from continual hacking and respirations of nebulizer treatments past. I thought I could absorb no more crud, and yet, I found myself bathing in the germs of dozens of sweet mutants exhaling fire from their lungs. Today, Jenna announced that every kid in her class was sick. I know, I said. Because I have what all of you have. Oh. My. God. I. Feel. Like. Crap.

I think that all of the families in a given grade either need to decide to home school, or move in together full time--one big commune, so we swap everything we have DNA-wise, resulting in some sort of survival of the fittest or best insured evolution--so that there are no strange germs at school, nothing new to get sick with, but instead one giant cesspool that we all call home.

Who's in? You? You? Come on, and bring the lozenges.


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