April 26, 2003

dear jenna

My Dear Jenna,

I was reading through my archives, the posts that I've written here. I noticed something that made me very sad. I noticed that I've written a lot about how hard of a job it is to be a mom, how you can be--say--amazingly creative and spirited and wonderful, and also challenging at times. About the fun things we do, and the frustrating times we share.

But I haven't said how much I love you here. Not to you. And it should be written here. So you always have it.

So let me tell you loudly, right here: I love you my Jenna.

I love you with all of my heart and soul in all of the ways I know how to, the ways I understand how to.

You know what I ask you, right? How much do I love you, baby? "A million trillion zillion and more!" Right? Yeh. And more. MORE! Can you imagine how much that is? How big that is? It's absolutely HUGE!!!!

I love everything about you, inside and out, from your soft skin to your dark eyes filled with light. You are a strong young girl with fire and wit and warmth and love and kindness for everyone you know. That's who you are, and I love you so.

What Mommy wants, more than anything else in the whole world, is for you be happy. To grow straight and strong and be filled with warmth and acceptance. To have peace. To be open and wise, to accept and show love. To be that amazing person you are already becoming.

If I could give my finger, my hand, my arm to be sure that you would never hurt, that nothing, no one would ever make you feel badly, I would. But I can't. Instead I can give you the tools and assurance that will help you come to understand that strength is in you. It's yours.

I will write more to you in time. I need to go rest now. I am going into your bedroom to check on you. You took off your pajamas tonight because you couldn't sleep. You know how you do that sometimes? Well, I'm going in to slip your shirt back on and pull the blankets up, to make sure your Care Bear is still in bed with you.

Then I'll rest too.

Bless you, Jenna. I love you always.

mommy

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