October 20, 2005

Twisted Catholic Guilt

From time to time I take a break in the professional nature of this weblog to bring you a real-life story from the bowels of my family.

That is why I am taking this opportunity to tell you a story. It is a story that in any ordinary life might be an unstory. But here, listen anyway.

Last week Jenna and her 14-month-old near-brother ((she's changed his diaper and rocked him to sleep; I was there -- and I mean there -- when he was born)), who is the son of my friend, were eating dorritos. And I mean, NACHO CHEESE dorritos.

In fact, they were so cheesy by 7:00 that we stuck them in the jaccuzi, at which time the baby covered himself in bubbles and Jenna made him a dome-shape hat out of suds, then put a white beard on his chin. He screeched and threw suds at her. We watched and laughed. She even made headway in teaching him how to swim--it's a big, big jaccuzi.

In fact she had so much fun that she spoke out loud about it.

Which is all to say that I got a phone call this morning from my family telling me how wrong, immoral, unseemly, (keep going) it was for me to have put our 8 year old in the tub with a 14-month-old boy. "I mean, if she would have had underpants on or something, but even then..." "I'm just saying, it’s not right..."

I want you all to swish that around in your heads for a while.

Thank you.


Doug Alder said...

twisted very twisted. Yes let's all feel guilty about our bodies and sex. That way we can let some other twisted person manipulate us. Hell (pun intended) that's the basis for how GWB got himself elected. Religion of this kind prays (sic) on the weakness of individuals which is why I despise it.

michaelo said...

What a crock of bollocks that is, to be sure. There must be a word for this kind of tortured, unnecessarily puritanical inverse prurience. To me, it says more about the moral stability of the mind of the critic than it does about the immorality, or otherwise, of the act being criticised.

The best analogue I can think of is John Ashcroft paying to have curtains draped in front of the naked tits of that terrific art deco statue at the Department of Justice. The immorality is entirely in the eye of the beholder.

So, what - am I supposed to stop dumping our three kids into the tub together?

What bollocks.

clocke said...

I don't get it. Is there something that boys and girls do that I should know about?

michaelo said...

They have a tendency to fart in the bath, Chris. While the cabbage-smelling bubbles and echo-y trumpet noise might seem amusing to some, it's morally reprehensible, counter to the principles of the founding fathers, and needs to be punished with extreme prejudice.

Frank said...

I hope you never leave Jenna alone with those pervs. No telling what they might fill her head with.

(My secret authenticating comment password for this item is "hcrcxvlc." I'm looking for some relevance there... maybe I can make a time machine if I get the patterns to line up...)

Jeneane Sessum said...

Those doggone authenticating codes are getting longer and longer with fewer and fewer vowels. It's really not fair. They should just string Dave Winer acronyms together and they'd be done - RSSOPML.

Tish Grier said...

Hmmm...sounds alot like the guilt my lesbian former roomie used to get from her mother. Mom was a Southern Evangelical rather than Catholic. Guilt definitely happens.

michaelo said...

"They should just string Dave Winer acronyms together and they'd be done"

Isn't that pretty much what Jenna and her friend were doing...?



("uilnxq", btw. At least it has a couple of vowels)

Jeneane Sessum said...

Oh. God. I got more of it today. At least I lashed back with: Stop Projecting Your Guilt On Me. As if it matters. How draining.

just take me out back and shoot me. I love you all. Even Dave Winer. Now do you believe I'm ready to be taken out back?

my word verification of the day is BPUAORR which is close to BUSPAR, an anti-anxiety medication that is safe, non-addictive, and fairly non-effective.

Grayson said...

I'm praying (naked) for enlightment to shine on your neighbors' clouded hearts, Jeneane. You deserve better.