When halley does it, she really does it. Damn. A fine post.
Nothing was easy for anyone and of course terrible in some ways for my son. No kid votes to dissolve a family -- they could give a shit if you're unhappily married. You do everything to avoid it. You're kidding yourself if you think they'll EVER understand that your happiness matters. They are built for their own selfish survival and they want family, not rupture. I like that about them. They're smart. They make it painfully clear that you're an asshole -- both of you -- you're both assholes for not being able to stay together.
So you just keep losing and losing -- parents and husbands and weight and you name it -- and some how you come out the other side. God knows how. For me -- it's about writing -- it was the only self I could hold on to and the only place I could go and find a long lost self. What did I write? Irony of ironies -- I wrote about men, all the while not understanding the man I had married at all, letting him down in a million ways perhaps, and simultaneously letting down the boy I was raising. But wait, there is a happy ending -- I'm almost sure of it. I see little glimmers even now. We're all coming through it alive.
